Mahoney Heads

Man, nothing is remotely interesting lately. Is it just me? I’m bored to tears with politics, pop culture is blah, I don’t know, I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here, and look what I found in the disgusting muck:

Internet Skank Tila Tequila Gets A Book Deal.

This is a hard one for me to understand. Not that she has a book, but why anyone is interested in this chick at all. Even by stripper standards, she’s a total skank. Seriously, if you think this chick is hot, they must love you at the discount topless bar.

She’s got a weird square jaw, a tiny mouth, giant eyes, and a really bad boob job. She sorta looks like an alien. An annoying alien with bad boobs. She’s just “off”, like a couple of chromosomes got mixed up during the hotness “quickening” before she was born.

We used to call these girls “Mahoney Heads.” That basically means, they kinda could be hot under the most ideal circumstances, like great lighting, just the right amount of Jagermiester, being 2 A.M.,  and standing next to a fat girl. They have an Ok body and hair, but the face is just……wrong. They also usually have a ridiculous amount of perfume, or body spray on, which should always be a big red flag.

Maybe it’s because she is so gross, that guys think she’s attainable. That must be it. Maybe there’s like three million dudes out there that think being her MySpace friend is the fast track to winning her undying skank love.

My favorite line from the article:

“The world cannot get enough of Tila Tequila,”

Mahoney Heads rejoice! Your time has come! Your Mohono-siah is here!

 

8 Years

Apparently, the new Indiana Jones movie is gonna suck. That shouldn’t be surprising, because George Lucas, and Spielberg haven’t done anything worth a shit in longer than I can remember. Their well is dry. Bone dry.

I had this conversation about a week ago with a friend of mine, about the longevity of artists making relevant work. We came up with 8 years. 8 years of good stuff, and then it’s all downhill from there. 8 years seems to be the span of creativity, even for the greats.

The Beatles. 8 years. After that, crappy solo stuff. George Lucas, about 8 years making the first Star Wars trilogy, as well as the Indy movies. After that….. garbage. One of my favorite bands growing up, Van Halen, had about an 8 year run before they started to completely suck.

Try it. Pick an artist, and realistically look at their body of work, and be objective. You may have an emotional attachment to some of the stuff, but try to put that aside, and judge accordingly. You may actually be a Wings fan, but really, McCartney did his best shit in his 8 years with the Beatles. Coppola did his best work in the 8 year span of Godfather I and II. Stevie Wonder was a genius from the mid sixties until “Songs In The Key Of Life,” a little over 8 years, and then, “I Just Called To Say I Love You.” Eric Clapton was great…..for about 8 years, his tenure with the Yardbirds and Cream and Blind Faith.

Try it. Pick some. Tell me I’m wrong.

When an artist dies young, like say, Jimi Hendrix, people always say, “Imagine what he would have done had he lived!” Well, when his 8 years were up, he would have produced the same kind of loungy, hack bullshit that Eric Clapton has been wearily wringing out for 25 years. Same with Morrison, or Janis Joplin. They’d probably be doing horrible reunion tours, or cranking out more greatest hits albums, from their 8 years of creative work.

This is also why reunion tours usually suck. The magic is gone, and you can feel it. The whole thing feels like a forced good time, to use an analogy I think Ace used, like New Years Eve,

There may be exceptions, but they are few and far between, and art is subjective. And there’s no accounting for taste.

Too Much Good Stuff

I admit I’m lazy. I don’t scour the intertubes for interesting stuff, I pretty much go to Drudge/Bart. Today is an exceptional day over there.

First up-Hilarious gaffes from Hillary, and Golem Begala.

I have a much broader base to build a winning coalition on,” she said in the interview, citing an article by The Associated Press.

It “found how Senator Obama’s support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again, and how whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me.”

Oooooof! Man it’s gotta feel great to vote Democrat!

Here’s Golem with his feel-good compliment to Dem voters:

Mr. Begala, a Clinton supporter, said the party could not win in November with just “eggheads and African-Americans,”

HaHaHaHaHa!!!! Flattery will get you everywhere Paul! Can you feel the love people? They really love Geeks, Rednecks, and *serious white guy voice* “African-Americans.”

Alec Baldwin considers political office!

No surprise here, it’s just pathetic that he will easily get elected in California. If I were running against him, my entire campaign would consist of constantly re-playing him losing his shit at his ten year old daughter, and only that. Just a picture of his “Mad Face” and that phone call on a continuous loop.

Josh Brolin does his best Wil Ferrell:

I already wrote about what a disaster this will be.

Truly a labor of hate. The only way this mess could lose more money would be to cast Al Franken. Step-Mommy must be beaming. Josh Brolin is finally starting to get some prime roles after like, 30 years, he must really hate Bush to be in this dog.

The Loss Of Mystique

Ran across this article in the Hollywood Reporter about A-List movie stars and their drastically falling box office numbers, and this paragraph jumped out at me.

The decline of star power comes as consumers are viewing film actors differently. Such voyeuristic media outlets as “Access Hollywood” and TMZ.com have demystified celebrities even as they feed unprecedented interest. Why turn out for a favorite star’s movie if you can watch him walk his dog on TV and the Internet?

“Demystified celebrities.”

“Mystique is what draws people to the movies,” PMK publicist Catherine Olim says. “People want to go to the movies to get lost in a performance. And it’s hard to do that with so much interference.”

This insatiable interest in knowing every single mundane detail of celebrities lives has definitely ruined a lot of my own enjoyment of movies, and music. With a camera stuck in their face 24/7, I just can’t escape finding out their idiotic political views, or just how fucking retarded they really are.

This is exactly why studios used to control their stars, and limit and monitor their exposure to the media, so that you could accept a five foot tall freak like Tom Cruise as an action hero, or romantic lead. Tom’s career is over now because he couldn’t shut his fucking ignorant yap.

Actors and musicians depend on you thinking they know something you don’t, and as soon as you find out they’re drooling morons in real life, good luck selling them as a brilliant master of espionage, or a nuanced commentator on social issues through poetic lyrics and music.

This is also why Rock and Roll is dead. MySpace has killed rock. Killed it completely by giving us too much information, and allowing fans to interact directly with their beloved stars. An example:

Led Zeppelin used to have final approval on EVERY photo of them that was ever used. If a magazine published an un-approved photo that didn’t meet “Hammer Of The Gods” standards, that magazine never got to speak to Led Zeppelin ever again. They almost never gave interviews. Music journalists were granted very limited access to them. Led Zeppelin treated the press like the useful idiots they are. No one knew their opinion about politics or the environment. They understood the power of Mystique, and that holds up for them to this day.

Can you imagine Jimmy Page Blogging about inane bullshit? Robert Plant answering a moronic fans question about boxers or briefs?  I can’t, it would ruin the whole thing.

I think I listened to “Dark Side of The Moon” at least a thousand times, before I even knew what Pink Floyd looked like. Their lyrics could be interpreted a million different ways. Roger Waters didn’t go on MySpace and explain his lyrics right after he told you how hard it is to find a good cheeseburger in Tulsa. They understood Mystique as well as Zep, and they understood that without it, they were a pretty boring, unattractive group of fellas.

MySpace, TMZ, Perez Hilton, Access Hollywood, and the women who are the main consumers of this shit, have killed Rock and Roll, and are killing movies now by wringing every last tedious detail out of anyone that might have ever been remotely interesting, with endless “reporting” about shopping sprees and “Baby Bumps.”

An Alternate Scenario

This is just one of the many reasons I’m probably sitting this election out. We haven’t even got a Dem nominee yet and this guy has pissed me off absolutely infuriated me, so many times I’ve lost count.

I know conservatives are terrified of a Dem win this year, but before you get too worried, consider this:

McCain will be a disaster. He will piss off Republicans constantly, Democrats will attack him, even though he’s on their side, and the press will make him the new Bush. He’ll throw ridiculous temper tantrums, and say the most ignorant shit you can imagine, on a daily basis. He’s a moderate, which means he believes in nothing. He doesn’t even know what he is, and nobody wants to follow a guy that has no direction. He’ll be more of a Steward than a President.

He’s going to be a band-aid on the gushing jugular of the Republican party. Sure, we’ll get a President with an “R” by his name, but by the time he leaves the smoking wreckage of his only term, he’ll have done so much damage to what’s left of the party, he’ll guarantee a full blown Dem sweep in every election for the next twenty years. McCain is the lynch-pin in the grenade of destruction of the Republican party.

If by some miracle Obama or Hillary actually get elected, (which BTW, I believe to be impossible) consider this:

They are not gonna be able to end the Iraq conflict with the simple wave of a capitulating hand. Things will most likely stay the same there for the most part. Past that, the differences between either of them and McCain are negligible, and they will be ineffective at getting their most socialist agenda’s off the table. They will have only one term, if they don’t get impeached for complete incompetence.

Look, the next four years are gonna suck no matter what. A Dem will do a massive amount of damage, but it will be short term damage. McCain will do long term damage. A Republican President (McCain) now, will mean a Democrat everything later. McCain is the Anti-Christ Republican that will bring the Apocalypse to the party.

We’ve survived Democratic Presidents before, we can again, and I just can’t get behind this jackass because he has an imaginary “R” in front of his name. Plus, a Dem getting elected could finally slap a little sense into the MIA Republicans, and lead to another Repub comeback. McCain getting elected will make them continue to be useless, over confident choads, who want to rid the party of conservatives.

I’d rather let the Dems dig their own grave, than help McCain dig ours.

That’s my opinion anyway, now I’m gonna go look for a thoughtful story about boobs.

Tom Hanks Wants You To Know He Loves Black People!

UPDATED: because I thought of some more jokes.

Tom Hanks loves black people!!!!

Hey!! Everyone!!! Tom Hanks wants you to know he really loves black people!!!!

No really! He totally does! Really!!

Isn’t that great??!!! How great is that??!! I think it’s really great that Tom Hanks really, really, wants the next President to be Barack Obama, because he thinks it would be pretty neat if Barack Obama could get to be “President of a country that once said, people of his skin color were only 3/5ths of a human being.”

Oh yeah, and he also wants Hope-n-Change, or some shit.

What a condescending, self important prick Tom Hanks is. I especially like how he read his self written little “I know you’ve all been waiting breathlessly for me, the beloved Tom Hanks, to send word from the mountain who I’m voting for” bullshit like a third grader reading a report. Now THAT’S acting!

This little 2 and a half minute “endorsement” is so full of White Guilt, full blown Condescending Elitism, Fake Sincerity, utter cluelessness, and a world full of Unicorns and Rainbows, that it oughta be the “According to Hoyle” definition of a filthy rich white liberal.

Tom Hanks knows damn well he’s not going to sway a single voter that wasn’t already in Obama’s camp, and he even makes a little (fake) self-effacing comment to that effect at the beginning of this clip. This is all about you knowing that he’s “down.” It’s about you knowing he digs black people, and that has a cd in his Range Rover right now of Michael McDonald doing really great covers of classic R&B songs.

Hey DPUD, when you get your dictatorship, Hanks gets an extra special stock right in the middle of Compton.

Update!! Another celebrity endorsement!!! This one’s for Hillary!!

Hooch wieghs in with his guy!

Do A Good Thing Today

*Bumped*

Help a Moron

I know morons are a generous and caring bunch, many of them (you) came to my rescue last year. Help if you can, or just leave some kind words, or (if you have a blog) put up a post!

Stashiu is the proud father of two adopted daughters. Unfortunately, Stash later found that the lawyer who was supposed to square away all the legal paperwork for the adoption didn’t quite get it right, so he has to now backtrack with new lawyers to get things right and finally seal the deal. The process is costing Stash and his family a king’s ransom.

The tough financial situation and worry over the prospect of losing his two daughters is unsurprisingly starting to wear him down and take a toll on his health. Several people have been in contact with him over the weekend and suggested he start up a donation account. Stash now has an Amazon account, the Amazon widget should appear on his right sidebar, if you can help, it would be a wonderful thing. Even if you don’t have the financial means to offer any any help, offer him your prayers and best wishes. Stash is a damn good guy, a good father and has given over two decades of service to our nation, let’s see what we can do to can help him.

Body of post shamelessly stolen from Doubleplusundead

Thanks DPUD!!

A Little Music For The Weekend-Jeff Buckley

No, I’m not gay.

But I dig this guy. Don’t let the effemenite looking male model-esque YouTube freeze put you off, this dude was a genius. I say was, because if you don’t know, Jeff Buckley is no longer with us. He died in 1997.

Most people know Jeff Buckley from his brilliant cover of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” but Jeff was a brilliant songwriter in his own right, as well a an amazing musician. This is kind of an obscure Buckley song, from his second, never finished album, “My Sweetheart The Drunk.”

If you dig music that’s just a little quirky, but beautiful, ala Radiohead,or Chris Cornells’ solo stuff, you’ll love Jeff Buckley. He’s also got that kind of mysterious artist thing going for him, that is so sorely lacking in the MySpace/Facebook era of knowing every single fucking stupid detail about rock stars lives.

He was a very secretive dude, the son of severely troubled singer Tim Buckley, loathed the press, and even died under mysterious circumstances. How can you not love that?

In the absolute septic tank full of shit that passes for music these days, please enjoy a breath of fresh air from a brilliant artist that was only at the beginning of his career when he tragically passed away, leaving us all to suffer the indignity of having our ears assaulted by the likes of Chris Doughtry.

Fox News Bad!!!

God, the left are retarded. Nutroots pissed at Dems for appearing on Fox News.

Markos Moulitsas, founder of the leading liberal site Daily Kos, told Politico’s Michael Calderone: “Democrats are being idiotic by going on that network.”

Ari Melber, the Net movement correspondent for The Nation, told Politico by phone that progressive activists and the Netroots are “not happy about it.”

This idea that Fox News is some kind of right wing spin machine, is just moronic. Is it because Bill O’Reilly is on Fox? To use a blogging cliche,’ “newsflash” douchebags, conservatives hate O’Rielly. How ’bout Hannity? For what? The whole half hour a night he’s on, sharing time with a drooling moonbat and every Democratic strategist that isn’t getting their teeth whitened that day?

Let’s see, who else do we have spinning RNC talking points on the Fox News right wing Nazi propaganda network…..Effeminate liberal Shep Smith? Masculine liberal Greta Van Susteren? Brit Hume, who’s on in the middle of the day, when nobody’s watching? FUCKING GERALDO???!!

*Thanks to Rosetta, who is not insane.*

This hyperbolic freak out from the left about Fox News is ridiculous, it’s old, it’s tired, and it doesn’t even wash.

Are the Dems getting tired of being pushed around by a bunch of mouth breathing, insane, mongoloid fucktards?

Maybe they’re getting a little sick of trying to get their message across on MSNBC, to an audience smaller than a 3 A.M. “Head On” commercial generates. Maybe it’s becoming just a little tedious talkin’ to brainiacs like Meredith Vierra and Katie Couric. Maybe Matt Lauer and Tim Russert stopped swallowing.

Maybe they’d like to have just a tiny challenge, you know, for practice. Just in case sometime, somewhere, someone actually asks them a question other than if they’d like jelly, or peanut butter with their salad tossing today.

Failing Upward With Al Franken

Comedian-Turned-Candidate Franken To Pay 70,000 In Back Taxes

There’s two things wrong here. First, referring to Al Franken as a “comedian.” Sorry, but being Lorne Michaels mercy fuck for 20 years does not qualify one as a “comedian.”

Second, how the fuck does this guy make enough money to owe $70,000? Who pays him? Why do they pay him? Al Franken has never succeeded at anything, ever. He produced the biggest bomb in SNL movie history, “Stuart Smalley,” and that’s saying something. More people were willing to sit through the cinematic nightmare of “It’s Pat!” than were willing to have to endure looking at Al Franken for 2 hours. “The Ladies Man” laughs at Al Franken. Chris fucking Kattan kicks Al Frankens ass at the box office. You just can’t fail more than that.

Oh wait, if you’re Al Franken, you certainly can fail more than that. Just get on the radio at Air America.

They used to broadcast about 2 hours a night of Frankens Air America show on Sundance late nights. I tried to watch it once. Once. They should use tapes of this on prisoners at Guantanamo. They’d be begging for the sweet relief of waterboarding. Franken is the albatross around the neck of hope, hope that you can make a dollar after hiring Al Franken.

Franken should be an adjective to describe losing your ass. Like, “Oh man, I got Franken’d in Vegas.” Or, “Damn, I bought stock in Segway Scooters, I totally got Franken’d” Or even, “Someone stole you credit cards? Cancel ‘em before they Franken you!”

I am beyond baffled that anyone would actually pay Al Franken to do anything but NOT show up anywhere near anything that could have any possible potential of making any money whatsoever.

Minnesota, you’ve been warned. Do not get Franken’d.

This guy has been in the public eye for nearly 30 years, and has yet to do a single thing of note aside from being a total jackass loser.

Wait…now that I think about it, he’s MORE than qualified to be a U.S. Senator.