Sean Penn Never Fails To Amuse Me

I always like when Drudge has a hyperbolic headline, and the story is not even close to what you expected. In this case, it was “Sean Penn Unleashes On Fox News,” which led to this story about Penn doing a film about a prominent gay man in San Francisco that was murdered….30 years ago.

Knock Knock? Who’s there? OSCAR!

Apparently Penn was improvising a speech because he was “method acting” and seemed to lose track of what decade it was supposed to be, (70′s) and said something stupid about Fox News. Or, maybe he just got swept up in all the fabulousness of a big gay crowd in San Francisco, and “broke decade.”

A production assistant followed Penn around the front of City Hall with a large navy blue umbrella. She held it over his head to shield him from the sun. Seeing he had a captive audience, Penn broke loose of the umbrella to deliver an impromptu speech that Milk would have loved.

“I almost wish Jerry Falwell were alive to see this. Almost,” Penn shouted to the crowd. After dropping some names of conservatives who are still with us – “Bill O’Reilly, who is too stupid to talk about,” and “Sean Hannity, the butt boy of Rupert Murdoch,” Penn said, “We know something more. We know their end is near.”

I love the fact that a poor production assistant had to follow Penn around with a fucking umbrella to “shield him from the sun.” And then he “broke loose” of the umbrella, as if from the very chains of oppression itself.

So much for the tough guy image there Nancy. God forbid rays from the sun actually touch the method acting face of “bad boy actor” Sean Penn. I wonder how much abuse that P.A. had to take from him, especially if sunshine ever breached the No Sun Zone around the precious National Treasure of Mr. Penn. I can totally see it playing out like this:

P.A. slips and let’s a sliver of damaging UV ray lick the weathered, homely, yet ruggedly handsome face of Sean Penn.

Penn-”Did sunshine just touch my weathered, homely yet ruggedly handsome face?

P.A. “I’m sorry sir, I momentarily blacked out because I haven’t had a drink of water or a bathroom break for 12 hours, it won’t happen again.”

Penn-”Hand me that umbrella.”

P.A. hands Penn umbrella, he closes it. Proceeds to beat the production assistant with it, one beat for every word. “Don’t. You. Ever. Let. The. Sun. Touch. Me. Again. You. Piece. Of. Shit.

P.A. “Yes sir Mr. Penn, please allow me to clean all my blood off of that umbrella.”

Penn-”Leave it. It’ll be a warning to your incompetent replacement. You’re fired.”

Or something like that.

I also love how he attacks O’Reilly and Hannity, two guys who collectively make up about seven and a half whole hours a week of programming on 24/7 Fox.

Dude, pull that piece of coal out of your ass, it’s a diamond now.

Update: Pajama Momma reminded me of what a bad-ass Penn is:

What, no umbrella? He is a bad-ass! I hope the people of New Orleans realized what a sacrifice he made to help them, with all that sunshine raining down on him.

His complexion must have aged a full day in that shit.