The Cult Of The Child

More nanny state buffoonery from Colorado, where a school has banned tag. Only two parents complained about the ban. Two. I guess most of the parents want their kids to grow up to be terrified pussies just like them.

Using kids to implement ridiculous bans is very convenient these days, as we all have to sacrifice for “The Children.” In fact, when banning smoking in bars that serve food here in Vegas, one of the big selling points for the anti-smoking lobby, was that people couldn’t bring their precious Children to a bar to eat. To a bar. To eat. Because you know, bars should be Kid-Friendly.

When did this asinine over-protection of kids start? I live near probably 5 or 6 schools, yet I never see kids walking to school, ever. Every precious little prince and princess have to be chauffeured to school now. I rarely even see school buses, I guess because they don’t need em anymore. You have a better chance of seeing a Yangtze River Dolphin, than to see an American kid outside. On the rare occasion you actually spot one, they’re wearing a gigantic BackPack, containing a small version of their room, because God forbid, they leave the house without 20 video games, an iPod, a cell phone, and a couple bottles of water. And maybe a helmet in case they have to step off a curb. When I was a kid, if I wore a helmet to ride my bike, I would’ve gotten my ass kicked.

I can only guess that this is the result of a combination of things:
1) Lawyers- Being a lawyer isn’t like being a doctor, that is, any tool can become a lawyer, and now we have an over abundance of them, guaranteeing a zillion frivolous lawsuits based on a Child being injured, (easy money, juries love Children).

2) Single Mothers- The “Oprah-ization” or celebration of single motherhood, has made it not only acceptable to be a single mother, but desirable. If you’re a single mom, you get a lot of “You’re so brave!” and ” I have so much respect for you, that’s really hard!” You get so many more “props” than if you’re actually married to a man. This is actually kind of an epidemic in this country, boys being raised only by women, and we all know how they over-protect.

3)Media- The media loves to scare the crap out of parents, with endless horrible stories about Children being hurt or worse. I doubt crimes against Children have dramatically risen in the last 50 years, but the media would have us believe there’s a child molester behind every mailbox, just waiting for you to take your eyes off your kid for one second.

4)Parents Who Want To Be “Friends” With Their Children- This is a weird phenomenon that seems to have happened as a result of adults not wanting to grow up. I see it all the time, parents having debates with 5 year-olds, cause they want to be “cool,” and not yell at their little buddy. The most important thing, above all else, is that they’re friends with their kids. Or to prove to their kid that they are just as hip as them. Something that I see all the time now, is a 4 or 5 year-old kid with a Mohawk. The parent using the kid as a prop, to prove how cool they are, because they refuse to grow up and be a parent.

Sorry, got a little off topic with that last one.

George Carlin has a routine about this, in which he says (Whiny voice) “The children, the children,” and then,”F*ck the children!” and goes on to describe swimming in polluted water when he was a kid, and how this over-protection is screwing up natural selection. He did this routine in Vegas, and a bunch of people got up and walked out, I assume because how dare he say something like that about The Children.