An Open Letter To Ellen Degeneres
Posted by bmac on October 16, 2007
When you adopted a puppy, did you bother to learn a single thing about dogs? How about puppies? Here’s a hint: They’re not big cats. Obviously cats are the right pet for you, as they don’t require more maintenance than your maid, or assistant can handle, and you don’t really have to “train” them.
I’m sure you were disappointed when the puppy didn’t get along with your cats, especially after you “got it trained” for two whole weeks. That’s the great thing about dogs, you actually have to participate in their existence, and unlike hot bi-curious actresses, you can’t buy their love.
The rescue you got the dog from had you sign an agreement, precisely to protect the dog from assholes just like you. Assholes who get a dog as an accessory, to make themselves feel like they’re “good people,” when in fact, they’re just assholes who need constant affirmation of how great they are. Assholes like you are the reason rescues have such a hard time finding good homes for dogs. People that think two weeks of “getting it trained” is enough, and when it isn’t, just give up, and throw the dog away, like garbage.
I sincerely hope you never adopt, or have, or whatever you guys do, any children. If you do, maybe you can do the Madonna thing, pick up some third world kid, “get it trained,” and hand it off to your nanny while the world pats you on the back for being just so super awesome. Or treat it like you do a dog, throw it away. Like garbage.