A Fine Line Between Stupid And Clever

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An Open Letter To Ellen Degeneres

Posted by bmac on October 16, 2007

From this story (with video)

Ms. Degeneres,

When you adopted a puppy, did you bother to learn a single thing about dogs? How about puppies? Here’s a hint: They’re not big cats. Obviously cats are the right pet for you, as they don’t require more maintenance than your maid, or assistant can handle, and you don’t really have to “train” them.

I’m sure you were disappointed when the puppy didn’t get along with your cats, especially after you “got it trained” for two whole weeks. That’s the great thing about dogs, you actually have to participate in their existence, and unlike hot bi-curious actresses, you can’t buy their love.

The rescue you got the dog from had you sign an agreement, precisely to protect the dog from assholes just like you. Assholes who get a dog as an accessory, to make themselves feel like they’re “good people,” when in fact, they’re just assholes who need constant affirmation of how great they are. Assholes like you are the reason rescues have such a hard time finding good homes for dogs. People that think two weeks of “getting it trained” is enough, and when it isn’t, just give up, and throw the dog away, like garbage.

I sincerely hope you never adopt, or have, or whatever you guys do, any children. If you do, maybe you can do the Madonna thing, pick up some third world kid, “get it trained,” and hand it off to your nanny while the world pats you on the back for being just so super awesome. Or treat it like you do a dog, throw it away. Like garbage.

30 Responses to “An Open Letter To Ellen Degeneres”

  1. mesablue said

    Well said.

  2. bmac said

    I originally started it like this:
    Ms. DeGeneres,
    You fucking ignorant twat.
    But I thought that would be offensive…to ignorant twats.

  3. cranky said

    She cries on TV because she fucked up? Screw her. Anyone who fucks with dogs is my enemy. She didn’t train the dog or apparently spend any time with it at all, and then she just gave up. That’s really good for the dog. Screw her and her sympathy ploy. I do feel bad for those little girls. The lesson I hope they learned is that pretentious Hollywood types like DeGeneres are evil soul sucking fucktards.

  4. nicedeb said

    Dang! You guys are being a bit hard on her, aren’t you? I mean, yeah, she screwed up, but her pain and sorrow was heartfelt. I felt bad for her, and believe me, I’m no Ellen Degeneres fan.

    But in the end, there was no other alternative for the Animal Rescue place, than to find the dog another home, because of the rules.

    Sounds like one big misunderstanding to me.

  5. bmac said

    She deserves it for being a typical idiot celebrity that thinks you get a dog, hire someone else to train it for you, and when the dog doesn’t respond to you, just get rid of it. The dog will respond, and bond with who trained it, not the person who wrote the check.
    She couldn’t buy her way outta that one. That’s why she’s crying.
    She may have thought she found a good home with the hairdresser, but who says the hairdresser wouldn’t have tossed it in a month?

  6. Aurvant said

    O_o….well said my friend.

    Also, how is it that you actually attract people to comment on your site that actually agree with you? All I get are, and I am so totally stealing your words, ignorant twats.

    Then again I really piss off a lot of Liberals who seem to frequently find my place. Anyways, nice post and well said.

  7. bmac said

    Thanks Aurvant, I just don’t seem to get trolls.

  8. It’s a fucking dog. Who gives a shit. She decided she didn’t like the dog after a couple weeks and gave it to a family who would. It’s better than sending it to a shelter or taking it for a picnic never to return.

    If anything, she did that dog a favor by giving it to folks who could love it more than she could. The family was looking for a dog and she had one for them. That’s how I got my cat. Is that wrong? No.

    And to relate this to treatment of a child shows what an ignorant twat you are.

  9. bmac said

    Troy, you’re a cat person…..figures.
    Maybe you missed the entire point of the post, which is, Ellen is a typical celebrity duochebag that thinks she can get a free pass from being an irresponsible….twat, because she cries on TV.

    Getting a dog from a rescue is not like getting a dog from the pound, that is, not just any twat can just walk in and get one. You sign papers, and make a commitment. That’s the deal. No negotiating. If you can’t fulfill the commitment YOU agreed to, the rescue gets the dog back. Period. You don’t get to find a new home for it after you realize you suck as a human, and the whole point is to protect these dogs from dickheads just like you and Ellen, that think “it’s just a fucking dog.”

    The people that run these rescues work very hard to do just that, and they do it for free.

    How you treat a dog relates exactly to what kind of person you are, and it sounds to me like you’re a piece of shit.

    Fuck you and your cat.

    • Anon said

      Omg I can’t believe the stupid shit I’m reading. Dog people vs. cat people? Are you kidding me? People always find some dumb shit to segregate themselves with from one another when in reality you’re just the same piece of shit as the next guy just in a different toilet.

  10. Anonymous said

    This in no way has anything to do with a dog, or animal of any sort.

  11. jacKryaN said

    Ellen has no talent. Ellen is an ignorant, me me me jerk. Gawwwwwd, do I ever shut of the tv when Ellen smurfs her ugly kisser onto the screen. Ellen is a shallow little twit who doesn’t deserve to own a dog. Ellen sucks.
    Sincerely,
    Me

  12. Hates Hollywood said

    Ellen Degeneres is an untalented, self-centered degenerate who acquired her undeserved fame solely through connections to very high-level characters.

  13. Lesbo Loser said

    Ellen is a no-talent loser IMHO. Her female fan base is obviously as fickle as she is. How her show can earn enough ratings to warrant remaining on air is beyond me. The vision of her face in my thoughts makes me lose my appetite for dinner. To me she’s one of those people with a face I’d like to slap just for the heck of it. Then again, that face of hers doesn’t need slapped since it looks like it’s been chiseled out of granite!

  14. EllenSucks said

    Ellen = retarded lesbian

    Good luck dealing with kids (that is, if you have any lol)

  15. Ellen Sucks Shit said

    I didnt watch the dog epsiode, but I googled “Ellen is an Idiot’ and this site came up. I don’t get Ellen’s appeal — with all of her lewd lesbo dancing on TV. As a masculine woman, with her square, ultra skinny, mannish boy, she looks ridiculous swaying to the tunes. She’s gauche, ignorant, and an all around foolish person. I really don’t see or understand her apeal.

  16. Ellen seems to be on a total self agrandizing power trip. She is constantly patting herself on the back. Count how many times she says “I, I’m, me, or my” in any of her shows. Then compare it to a Conan show or a Leno show — you will see what I mean …Fast. I’ve never been intolerant of gays, but I also do not like the gay thing thrown into my face. Like all groups, not all gays are bad and people are gay for a variety of reasons and that’s where the problems start. John Wayne Gacy and Jeffry Dahmer were both homicidal grossly distorted gays and read their bios and you will see that they were distorted all their lives. If nature or God wanted us to be of one sex, then we would have evolved that way. It doesn’t take a genious to figure out the natural reasons for mem being men and women being women, and that is to continue the human race. If all or a great majority of people were gay the human race to cease to exist. Enough said. Gays are now a very well funded special interest group and band together many times to the disadvantage and discrimination of non-gays. I know, I had gays try and destroy my life and livelihood on three seperate occassion. The first was in College when I was President of the student government, the second was when I had exclusive control of a national TV networks advertising and a gay faction tried to get me fired even though I was setting record sales and lastly, in the real estate development business. Ellen is part of a Hollywood gay clique and check out the gay scene (not in the book) in the 5/15/11 HBO mini series “GAME OF THRONES”. On HBO, ELLEN SHOW or GLEE…Gays get their way.

  17. Squash said

    Couldn’t have said it better than myself. It’s okay, Ellen, to be lesbian. But honestly! You’ve crossed the line, and I understand that you are the owner of a hit tv show. We all get it. You can’t just…ignore them!

  18. mizkiwii said

    Yes, she is a mean, eating-children’s-live-beating-hearts bitch

    Alah! *rolls eyes*

  19. Atheists Always Win The Argument said

    Ellen is a humanitarian. People don’t seem to realize that Ellen has done so much for bettering the lives of underprivileged children much like Oprah Winfrey has done.

    When people disrespect Ellen for being a lesbian the argument is lost. Being gay is not a choice. You are born that way. Science has proven that. So all of you homophobes can take your bibles and rosaries and stick em’ where the sun don’t shine!

    You haters that call Ellen ugly need to look at yourselves in the mirror. I’m sure none of you’d would win any beauty prizes, especially for all of the ugliness inside your heartless bodies!

    Ellen is a beautiful person inside and out. She’s immensely talented and one of the greatest comedians there ever was.

    Ellen worked damn hard to make it to where she is and now she’s giving her money to help those less fortunate. Have any of you haters ever been as generous as Ellen?

    So go ahead and hate. You haters are obviously jealous of Ellen because she’s a mega success and you’re not; just hateful losers.

    With such limited time that we have on this earth why not sweeten up a little, eh? Because when it’s over, it’s over!

  20. Just a Student. said

    Being self-absorbed isn’t ever a good thing, but considering all the things Ellen has achieved and overcome, plus the fact that it is her JOB to address an audience every day in a relatable manner, I think Ellen isn’t any of these things.
    The stories she tells her audience and her guests might be personal, automatically including words like ‘I, Me, myself’, but when you think about it; the stories of her guests are no different; though they only need to be listened to for ten minutes; once every year. Ellen needs to fill a whole show, while finding a connection with an audience. In our daily lives, we try to find this sense of connection ourselves, by, indeed, talking to others about our personal experiences. It isn’t all that strange of a tactic to ‘get’ others to like you. (though this is not even her goal, I mean.. Who likes anybody MORE for being a lesbian? I’ve never heard of that happening.. except when you are lovers; which would be great, because in the end.. love is all that matters..

    But, back to my point: even other talk show hosts, like the previously mentioned, tend to use their own experiences, or anecdotes of others, translated into their own sense of truth (which is also personal), when trying to make a point. They might do so to pursuade, or to inform the audience about a certain (news) event or political points of view.

    You need to keep in mind that Ellen isn’t ignorant or dumb at all for never discussing serious issues. She is just part of a different Genre. She is/used to be a stand up comedian, so she chose to entertain her audience rather than to inform (this has been covered, with a comic note even, perfectly by others, so why should she bother?)
    Ellen’s audience consist out of people who are ready to relax, and are looking forward to watching the show, perhaps their whole day. The people in her audience are mostly women, indeed; perhaps stay at home moms, or women with a career, or women who have recently graduated from Uni, or women inbetween. They might be gay or straight or bi…. They are any sort of women actually, occasionally dragging along their husbands, brothers or friends. Let’s just call them people. (You can call them unicorns if you like, whatever) In any case, this only proves the fact that many people with different origins and purposes in life, actually enjoy, find comfort or even catharsis out of attending or watching the show…

    So my question is; if so many people find such joy out of watching it, why are there always people who start hating on the host??
    She might not have done the best job at training her puppy. She might not regularly or clean the windows, mob the ceiling.. But it doesn’t mean she is self-absorbed or arrogant. She does not strike me as a spoiled bratt or someone to give up at all… I am convinced she hasn’t forgotton her mom taking care of her when she was small, as she has not forgotten the long road she must have travelled to get to this point of being one of the most powerful people on the planet, receiving fanmail, receiving hatemail. Loveletters and deathtreaths.
    It strikes me as a lonely life as well, because are there people in hollywood who really care for you? Or do they just care for your money, or fame, or connections? I think if Ellen were to be truly self-observed, she would have started a Truly personal conversation, which would most likely make people as sad as they would become from watching the eight o’clock news (now, I’m surely not comparing to Wars or famines,).
    This precisely is what people are desperate to ‘escape’ from. And it is what Ellen gives them. It’s heartwarming, and, if you will, comparable to any religion in which people find their comfort in.
    As Karl Marx said, ‘Religion is opium for the people’. Meaning it will never uncover the harsh realities nor solve them.
    This might be true… Your opinion is yours to keep. Everyone has the right to try and reveal truths *for themselves*!

    Please, if so many people choose not to do so, not to reveal ‘truth’; then let them maintain that tiny bit of imagination that is still left in them.

    As for the writers of all negative comments, you have all the right to seek and find your truths, and you have the right to prefer watching Conan or Leno over Ellen. As long as you are not spreading hatred, you are even allowed to dislike Ellen… We are lucky to be as free as we are.
    Just as you, therefore, I have the right to adore the show and find her a very loveable and wonderful human being to have on this earth.
    I do seek harsh truths, as I’m sure Ellen does too; but at the end of the day I’m just happy that someone cracks me up. Call me stupid, I dont care.

    You may also call me Her-Majesty-The-Dutch-Fancypants-Girl, AKA Excusez-moi-for-misspelling-anything-here,-you-see,-I’m-not-a- native)

  21. Freddy Fazbear said

    Ellen-you are an embarrassment to us cat people. You got a dog just to make yourself look good, then gave it away when you got sick and tired of it. Man, I feel really sorry for your poor cats! Just give them up and never get animals again, And WFT is up with all the mens’ clothing you wear on your shows? You think that just because you’re a lesbian you can get away with stereotyping lesbians and embarrassing them? Think again! Just because a woman is a lesbian does’nt mean she HAS to wear mens’ clothing. Pleease do the world a favor and give all your mens’clothing to charity and start wearing womens’ clothing for once. Also, stop with cracking your shitty unfunny jokes every seconds-it’s so annoying!

  22. Michael McGuinness said

    From reading this open letter I gather you have a lot of hate for Ellen. I fucking hate Ellen too don’t get me wrong. But this whole letter is really fucked. I think your an angry person and this is your way of getting your anger out. I also fell like its a pretty unhealthy way of doing this. Maybe you should try not focus as much on the lives of people you see on television. What you see isn’t real, it is all completely fabricated. You haven’t the slightest notion of what kind of person Ellen Degeneres or any other celebrity. You don’t know them.

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