Friday Music Blogging

Friday’s should be kinda fun, so I’m going to review a few of my favorite “Rockumenteries” each week. I love rockumenteries. Just love em. You don’t even have to like the music or artist to be entertained by what usually ends up being a horribly embarrassing expose’ of what idiots most of these guys are. Rock stars tend to be dipshits, and nothing drives that home more than the simple act of letting a film crew document your every moronic move that does not involve being on a stage.

This week: Metallica-Some Kind Of Monster.

I love this movie, because I hate Metallica, and nobody could have made them look worse than they happily did themselves. This film documents the making of their crappy flop of an album “St. Anger,” that only took them like, three years to complete. Why so long you may ask. Surely, a band as crappy as Metallica can churn out another recycled piece of garbage faster than that!

Not when they have a $30,000 a month psychiatrist in the studio with them they can’t! This is where the fun begins. We get to see the members of Metallica literally remove their own balls, and sacrifice all remaining vestiges of their manhood and testosterone, on the alter of “Feelings.” James Hetfield actually begins the movie as a man, even being the sole person to tell Lars Ulrich to go fuck himself, but after six months of rehab, and sessions with their in house ball-remover, becomes like the others, a confused eunuch with lots of feelings that need to be empowered or something.

Dave Mustaine of Megadeth even turns in a stunningly awkward appearance, crying like a little bitch about being kicked out of Metallica 25 years ago. These therapists really know how to bring out the inner little girl in these guys.

Whatever credibility Metallica had left, was completely torpedoed by their own film. This is an interesting study in how you can’t sustain the “angry young man” thing into middle age. Metallica, like most every other rock band, ultimately became everything they railed against, and then some.