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Nanny State Goodness

Posted by bmac on December 1, 2007

The Government can fix everything!

Federal lawmakers are considering the broadest effort ever to limit what children eat: a national ban on selling candy, sugary soda and salty, fatty food in school snack bars, vending machines and à la carte cafeteria lines.

Kids are fat today because playing an X-Box and texting each other 10 hours a day tends not to burn many calories. Parents that allow their kids to be couch slugs are to blame, not fatty foods or soda, or candy.

I hate to sound like an old coot, but when I was a kid, we were outside playing from sun-up to sun-down. Only came in to eat fatty food, and back out. The last place we wanted to be was inside. Walked to school. I can count on one hand how many times my parents drove me to school in 12 years. Today, every kid is chauffeured to school in an SUV with a T.V. in it. I rode with my family from Alaska to New York with a comic book. One comic book. Fantastic Four.

Instead of taking away the video games and cell phones and omnipresent TV’s, because you know, we wouldn’t want to upset a precious, precious child, just let the Government step in and limit their food.

That’ll fix everything won’t it? That’ll make your gaming zombie pod creature healthy! With less fatty food, candy and soda supplied by the school, your kid will probably clean their room and get better grades! After a while, they may actually venture outdoors (make sure they wear a helmet and full body armor, as your street may have a curb. Also, a back brace, to support the 50 lb back pack containing a mobile version of their room). Actually, maybe you should go with them in case they run across a stray Twinkie that torpedoes all the hard work you didn’t do.


3 Responses to “Nanny State Goodness”

  1. cranky said

    Government wants to get kids in better shape they should institute mandatory rock fights, 😛 at least from 7th grade up, and dodge ball for lower grades. And keep score. There are winners and losers in life, kids need to learn to deal with it and government can’t possibly deal with life as it is actually lived.

  2. bmac said

    Rock fights might just save this country!
    For anyone that doesn’t get that reference, I commented on Cranky’s blog about how when I was kid, we used to have rock fights in our neighborhood. Full scale rock fight wars, with teams and everything, and yeah, sometimes we got hurt.
    But guess what? We somehow survived.
    I doubt rock fights happen much anymore, some parent would undoubtably sue.

  3. mesablue said

    Rock fights and smear the queer! Ah, memories…

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