A Fine Line Between Stupid And Clever

Now With Electrolytes!

Hey! You’re It!

Posted by bmac on April 15, 2008

Yet another school has banned the deadly game of tag.

“This is not the old-fashioned tag, where you could use two fingers and you would be it and move on to someone else,” ( Principal ) Hooker said. The game, she said, has become much more aggressive. “I call it the nouveau tag.”

“The nouveau tag.” What. A. Douchebag. Unless “the nouveau tag” involves a knife, I seriously doubt it’s any different than “The antediluvian tag.” (yes I looked it up)

Since the prohibition began early this month, physical education teachers have begun a “chasing, fleeing and dodging” unit in first through fifth grades. Students essentially play variations of tag, and the teachers remind them about safety rules and point out the athletic skills they can transfer to other sports, said Sue Straits, a PE teacher.

Oh man, that must be really fun. Running aimlessly around, not tagging anyone, all while being constantly reminded about safety rules. I used to call that “jogging.”

Stephanie Sullenger, president of the Kent Gardens PTA, said she supports the principal. Sullenger said she suspects that children are acting out because of “spring fever,” and that as their behavior improves, tag will be restored.

In the meantime, she said, “children are very resilient and creative, and I’m sure have moved on to find wonderful things to do on the playground.”

“Wonderful things to do on the playground.” What the fuck could that possibly mean? Grope each other? Play with dolls? Do paper mache? Share tips on how to be “wonderful?”

Good luck class of 2015-2020. You’re gonna be grade A pussies afraid of your own shadow.

10 Responses to “Hey! You’re It!”

  1. Rosetta said

    I used to worry about a generational war 40 years from now between older and younger taxpayers about whether Social Security benefits will be cut on us old people or whether the young workers will be forced to pay higher taxes.

    Looks like they’re going to be paying higher taxes.

  2. bmac said

    If they manage to live that long in such a dangerous world where kids do reckless stuff like play tag.

    Some of them may even ride bikes without helmets!

    God help us all if they get anywhere near the dreaded monkey bars!

    Can you even say “monkey bars” anymore?

  3. Rosetta said

    I pretty sure you can’t say “macaca bars”.

  4. S. Weasel said

    I’m guessing they’re going to resort to the ancient and honorable playground game: Slapping the Shit out of the Weakest when Teacher Isn’t Looking. It’s similar to that other ancient game: I’ll Give You Such a Pinch.

  5. bmac said

    I hear a new game is developing:

    “Extreme” Staring

  6. Nigel said

    I miss the good old days…when we played a game called Smear The Queer at recess…

    In fact, were I a 4th grade PE teacher, I think I’d put that back in the curriculum.

  7. bmac said

    “Smear the queer!”

    If you even said that today, you’d be expelled.

    We used to have neighborhood rock fights. Can you imagine? Just a bunch of us in teams, throwing rocks at each other until someone quit, or lost a tooth or something.

    Good times.

  8. Enas Yorl said

    Smear the Queer Gay basher!!!

    Yah, we used to play that too. Hell we were always banging and crashing about and a bloody nose, skinned knee or elbow wasn’t unusual. You just got a wad of kleenex to stick up your nose or grabbed a band-aid and you were good to go another round.

    Not anymore I guess. I bet they play musical chairs with enough chairs for everyone.

  9. bmac said

    Not anymore I guess. I bet they play musical chairs with enough chairs for everyone.


    I still have scars from when I was 5-10 years old. It’s actually kind of cool to remember getting them. Broke both my arms by the time I was 9. And I was not even particularly crazy or athletic. Shit happens man, I lived.

  10. M. Booth said

    I am a parent at Kent Gardens Elementary which this takes place. To ban tag is like putting a band aid on cancer. The school is over crowded and the teacher now have to many children in their class room and keeping a watch on 25 or more kids at time is asking for it. Instead of doing the right thing and getting small class and bringing down the teacher to student ratio, the principal and the school allow the class size to get bigger and bigger. It is just easier to ban tag than to fix the real problem.

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