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Archive for April, 2008

Ummm…We Already Have A Michael Moore…But Thanks

Posted by bmac on April 17, 2008

Morgan Spurlock, the handlebar moustached Moore wannabe jackass, has made a timely movie about..get this..where is Bin Laden. Oh man, that’s really edgy dude! (If you don’t remember him, he made the anti-McDonalds “Super-Size Me”)

See? He’s “looking” for Bin Laden! HaHaHaHaHa!!! What a card!

You know what’s the most offensive thing about this guy? His totally condescending use of facial hair. You know damn well he wouldn’t have that dumb ass moustache if it wasn’t an outright slap in the face to the very people he claims (like Moore) to be “for.”

Attention any lost soul who thinks this guy is on your side: He’s mocking you. His moustache is a direct “fuck you” right to your face. His moustache thinks your moustache is is a dumb hick. His moustache is a poser. Your moustache would kick his moustaches ass if your moustache knew what his moustache really thinks of you.

His moustache drinks Pino, and eats stinky foreign cheese, and really likes it. His moustache wouldn’t drink a Bud if it were dying of thirst, and wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire, because his moustache is a big city “ironic” handlebar moustache, and if there’s anything his moustache really hates, it’s inbred hillbilly non-ironic handlebar moustaches that are on fire.

Don’t be fooled middle American handle bar moustaches, Morgan Spurlock’s moustache just wants to use you to finance his expensive tastes in everything you probably don’t like, and it’s laughing at you, as only a rich, ironic, New York City handlebar moustache can.

You’ve been warned.

Update: Thanks Cuffy, and hello LGF’ers!

Help yourself to a beer, they’re in the fridge.

Posted in Beating A Dead Horse | 19 Comments »

Serial Killer At Yale

Posted by bmac on April 17, 2008

Anything for art.

Art major Aliza Shvarts ’08 wants to make a statement.

Beginning next Tuesday, Shvarts will be displaying her senior art project, a documentation of a nine-month process during which she artificially inseminated herself “as often as possible” while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages. Her exhibition will feature video recordings of these forced miscarriages as well as preserved collections of the blood from the process.

“I hope it inspires some sort of discourse,”

The only discourse this chick really hopes it inspires, is how brilliant she is. This “exhibit” is all about Ms. Shvarts, not about any “message” Videotaping herself having forced abortions has got to be one of the most disgusting, shameless, immoral, and outright insanely desperate attempts at getting attention I’ve ever seen.

On the plus side, her disgusting attempt at self aggrandising will more likely make people re-think abortion, but not the way she wants it to.

On a purely analytical basis, if I were her teacher, she’d get an F, for completely getting the intended “message” backwards, and more so for making the project completely about herself, even further diluting her retarded pro-choice “art.”

I wonder how much her Ivy League education cost?

“I believe strongly that art should be a medium for politics and ideologies, not just a commodity,” Shvarts said. “I think that I’m creating a project that lives up to the standard of what art is supposed to be.”

Ummm…What does that even mean? Isn’t “art” already all that? Have they taught her at Yale that art has been hijacked as purely a commodity? Since when? Politics and ideology are not addressed in art?

This is a fucking Yale graduate folks.

I stole the picture from Ace.

Update: Could be a hoax, but I don’t really care, as I don’t claim to be a reporter. I guess Hot Air thinks it may be a hoax, no link, y’all know where to find ’em. I guess the reasoning is, it’s just so fucking retarded, it can’t possibly be true, and/or she may have used menstrual blood or even more out there, she’s a Republican.

Okey-Dokey.

Update 2.0 (does anybody care at this point?)

Drudge is calling hoax, although, I wouldn’t exactly define it as “hoax.” The stupid freak just used fake blood and whatnot, and didn’t actually impregnate herself, or actually have miscarriages, but the intent is the same, so that doesn’t qualify as a hoax, at least not to me.

My basic point remains the same, which is, this is politics, not “art.” As an art project, this is a complete failure. If she were a Poli-Sci major, maybe. But art? No way. This is a blatantly political statement far and above any artistic merit whatsoever. Great art, even politically combative art, should have the ability to stand on it’s own outside of the message the artist is trying to convey.

Example: “Imagine” by John Lennon. A retarded, child-like, political song. But it’s got a great melody, and some very nice music, and I can enjoy that part of it, and acknowledge Lennon’s ability as a musician and artist, even if the lyrics are fucking moronic.

Yale can’t teach the difference? YALE? Ivy League baby, Ivy League.

Posted in I'm Pissed, Idiots | 10 Comments »

Lowe Down Nanny Blues

Posted by bmac on April 16, 2008

Have you heard about this Rob Lowe/Nanny thing? He’s suing her for something or other, and she’s alleging sexual abuse or something. I don’t really care, but I’m not at all surprised the Lowes have a problem with a hot young nanny they hired to live with them.

I find the whole nanny culture interesting. It’s like buying a family member, or hiring a dog trainer to raise your children because those damn kids just don’t seem to understand that you have a fucking tanning appointment!

Here’s the other thing: If you just cannot give up afternoon cocktails, and shopping for just the right purse for your chiuaua, don’t hire a hot young live-in fuck buddy for your husband. Because unless your nanny (or for you east coasters, Aupair) looks like Mrs. Doubtfire, that’s pretty much the way it usually ends up.

Either that, or the hot young nanny becomes a paid for, live-in drinking/drug buddy for the wife. I’ve seen it happen. Basically, the kids are the lowest part of the priority totem pole when a nanny gets hired.

Why would a hot young chick even want to be a nanny? Probably because it’s easy. You get free room and board (usually very nice digs) some decent pocket money, and you hang out with spoiled kids who probably play Wii all day anyway. It’s just a little easier than being a stripper. And I’m pretty sure a good number of these chicks have designs on getting the old broad out, and becoming the new wife, with a built in family, and then they can be the ones having a drunken tanning session every day.

It pretty much never ends up like that.

If you hire a (hot young) relative stranger to be a live-in, de-facto “mom” to your children, I just have no sympathy for you when it all goes so predictably south.

Posted in Celebutard, Pop Culture | 3 Comments »

Hey! You’re It!

Posted by bmac on April 15, 2008

Yet another school has banned the deadly game of tag.

“This is not the old-fashioned tag, where you could use two fingers and you would be it and move on to someone else,” ( Principal ) Hooker said. The game, she said, has become much more aggressive. “I call it the nouveau tag.”

“The nouveau tag.” What. A. Douchebag. Unless “the nouveau tag” involves a knife, I seriously doubt it’s any different than “The antediluvian tag.” (yes I looked it up)

Since the prohibition began early this month, physical education teachers have begun a “chasing, fleeing and dodging” unit in first through fifth grades. Students essentially play variations of tag, and the teachers remind them about safety rules and point out the athletic skills they can transfer to other sports, said Sue Straits, a PE teacher.

Oh man, that must be really fun. Running aimlessly around, not tagging anyone, all while being constantly reminded about safety rules. I used to call that “jogging.”

Stephanie Sullenger, president of the Kent Gardens PTA, said she supports the principal. Sullenger said she suspects that children are acting out because of “spring fever,” and that as their behavior improves, tag will be restored.

In the meantime, she said, “children are very resilient and creative, and I’m sure have moved on to find wonderful things to do on the playground.”

“Wonderful things to do on the playground.” What the fuck could that possibly mean? Grope each other? Play with dolls? Do paper mache? Share tips on how to be “wonderful?”

Good luck class of 2015-2020. You’re gonna be grade A pussies afraid of your own shadow.

Posted in Good Luck With That, Idiots | 10 Comments »

DPUD Rocks The Moronosphere

Posted by bmac on April 14, 2008

I’ve been playing junior electrician all day, putting in a bunch of lighting in my kitchen. This is one of those times being 6 foot tall sucks. (climbing around in the attic, installing junction boxes in little 3 foot spaces)

Good times. I believe it’s all up to code though, so it’s worth a little extra effort. ( 3 trips to Home Depot)

No time to post today, so check out Mr. Plusundead’s Moronosphere link fest.

Thanks again DPUD! You are the glue holding a bunch of retards together!

Posted in moron bloggers | 3 Comments »

Much Ado About Nothing

Posted by bmac on April 12, 2008

Conan will wield his mighty sword in defense of gay marriage!

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said Friday that he would fight an initiative to amend the California Constitution to ban gay marriage if it qualifies for the November ballot.

“I will always be there to fight against that,” Schwarzenegger said, prompting loud cheers and a standing ovation from about 200 people at the annual convention of the Log Cabin Republicans, the nation’s largest gay Republican group.

“Gay Republican Group” Is that like “Conservative Environmentalist?” Or “Liberal Gun Owners?” Why would a “Gay Republican Group” be in favor of gay marriage? Seriously. Unless they’re not really “Republicans.”

Gay marriage is a purely symbolic gesture for politicians to score points with the left. It really means nothing. Just about any “rights” that you get as a spouse can be achieved with very little effort through agreements that can be made with a lawyer. Those that can’t, can certainly be “worked around.” Anything past that is just crying for the sake of crying. This is the most meaningless, bullshit empty rhetoric waste of time in American politics today.

Nothing proves what a spoiled, whiney bitch of a country we’ve become, more than hand wringing over gay marriage. Freedom and Liberty does not mean everyone always gets everything they think they should always get all the time. Some people have to suck it up, and deal. Not being able to technically marry your boyfiend or girlfriend is not the fucking end of the world.

There’s much more serious shit happening assholes, get over yourselves.

Posted in Politics | 18 Comments »

L.A. Mayor “Accuses” ICE Of Doing Their Job

Posted by bmac on April 11, 2008

Los Angeles Mayor “warns ICE to back off”

Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is asking federal officials to rethink their policy on workplace immigration crackdowns that involve established businesses and to focus on employers that mistreat workers instead.

ICE made more than 4,900 work-site arrests nationwide in fiscal 2007, a 45-fold increase over the number in 2001, authorities said.

That’s it? 4,900 arrests? Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Out of roughly 2 million a year, they only got 4,900 nationwide? I could find 4,900 illegals myself, right here in Las Vegas. And it wouldn’t take me a year. I don’t know for sure the veracity of those figures, but if they’re anywhere even close to being accurate, than we should dismantle ICE immediately, because they’re utterly worthless.

I double checked to find some figures, just in case ICE went to 4,900 job sites, as opposed to single arrests, but actual figures are hard, if not impossible to find. It does sound to me like these are single arrests, as ICE rarely seems to do raids, and a big one gets like, 60 illegals. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am. Here’s a paragraph from Pat Buchanan’s book “State of Emergency” that seems to back up the single arrest scenario:

Inspections at workplaces did pick up after 2004. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) made five times as many worksite arrests in 2006 as in 2004. But even in 2006 ICE made fewer than five thousand worksite arrests, so an illegal worker still had less than one chance in a thousand of getting arrested at work.[6] (Once arrested, those with neither proof of American citizenship nor a valid visa are supposed to be deported, but it is not clear how often this happens.)

How many did they get in Los Angeles, a city of 10 million? Enough for the Mayor to get his panties in a bunch over? If they got even HALF of the nationwide 4,900, which I doubt, that would be only 2,450. Can’t the entire city of Los Angeles do without 2,450 illegals over the course of a year without too much trouble ? Here’s the beef:

Los Angeles companies such as clothing manufacturer American Apparel Inc. have reported being questioned by ICE officials about their hiring procedures. (L.A. Mayor) Villaraigosa accused federal officials of targeting “established, responsible employers” in industries that rely on “workforces that include undocumented immigrants.”

What??? Isn’t that their FUCKING JOB? Is he accusing them of doing their job? Who should they be targeting asshole, the set of “Desperate Housewives?” I smell a rat here. What could possibly be the reason the Mayor of Los Angeles has such a bug up his ass about ICE doing their job.

I’m gonna do a little “investigative reporting.” Let’s take a quick look here…..AHA! It seems the Mayor was a member of MEChA. What a shocker. That took all of two seconds to discover. If Frontpagemag isn’t a reputable enough source for you, just Google “Villaraigosa & MEChA” and you’ll certainly be able to find one that is.

I wonder if being a former member of MEChA (a known racist organization that favors Reqonquista) could possibly have anything to do with him being so upset about ICE performing their duties.

And apparently not too well at that, if they only caught 4,900 illegals in a year nationwide.

I had no intention of blogging about ICE, this was going to be about L.A.’s wacky Mayor, but after seeing how low these numbers are for ICE, I’m just shocked as how ineffective they are.

If anyone has info that says different, let me know, and I’ll post it.

Posted in We're Doomed | 5 Comments »

I Too, Have Received A Tag

Posted by bmac on April 10, 2008

The lovely Nice Deb has tagged me with the “six word meme”. I totally suck at this type of stuff, but hey, I’ll give it a shot.

When I was a kid here in Vegas, we all had dirt bikes, because back then, there was a whole lot of empty desert to ride around in. Not so much anymore. Kids in Vegas these days do other stuff, like shoot each other.

There was a guy that lived on my street that was a little older than my friends and I, and he was a pro Moto-Cross rider. He won a lot, and never seemed to get hurt. We’d always ask him how he did it, and he would always say: “When in doubt, just gas it.

Actually he said “When in doubt, gas it” but that’s only five words, so I’m taking a little poetic license to make it work. As a rider, it got me out of a lot of hairy situations, and that phrase has served me well over the years in other situations when I was nervous.

Not sure if that qualifies as a “meme” but in the spirit of fun, I tried.

So there you go. Now I gotta tag five people…..hmmmm….how about:

Steamboat McGoo

eddiebear

Cuffy Meigs

Ummm…I know that’s only three, but I don’t feel like I know anyone that hasn’t already been tagged well enough to tag. And I can’t tag group blogs, so that exempts the Hostages.

At the very least, shoot them some hits.

Posted in moron bloggers, Slow News day | 14 Comments »

Hillary’s On A Roll

Posted by bmac on April 10, 2008

If there’s any way to pick up support when your campaign is dying, it’s gotta be to have a gay, washed up, extra-queenie, wig wearing, English pop star insult Americans.

Hillary clearly has her finger firmly on the pulse of the American electorate.

With that statement, Sir Elton is saying sexism has now surpassed racism to grab the top “ism” spot. That should lock up the black vote for Hillary.

He didn’t stop there though, he went on to insult one of our most beloved Presidents, Ronald Reagan, for his “slow response” to the AIDS crisis in the ’80s. I wonder how much drug fueled, unprotected gay bath house type sex Sir Elton had in the 80’s while he was waiting for Reagan to do something about AIDS?

Who’s Hillary trying to appeal to here? Gays? I think that’s in the bag. Blacks and other minorities? Yeah, good luck with that. While both groups vote Democrat, there is a certain amount of nuance that needs to be applied in talking to all of them, and having a 60 year old drag queen say stupid shit like this ain’t it.

I think the Clintons are still stuck in the early ’90’s, when having someone like Elton John shill for you was edgy. Pssst! Hey Hill, Elton surpassed edgy and became a Big Gay Parody Of Himself a loooong time ago.

BTW, Elton hasn’t made a decent record in over thirty years. I still love Goodbye Yellow Brick Road though.

Posted in Celebutard, Good Luck With That | 11 Comments »

When The Going Gets Tough….Make It Tougher!

Posted by bmac on April 9, 2008

I wonder if this is really the best time for a bunch of new tax hikes? Like this,

Or this? Or even this?

Gov. Martin O’Malley signs a new tax bracket for millionaires into law. Senate President Thomas V. Mike Miller (left) and House Speaker Michael E. Busch joined the governor for yesterday’s signing ceremony.

I love the fucking smug looks on these assholes faces as they screw over the only people spending money in this crappy economy.

I hope they have enough mansions in Maryland to accommodate the massive influx of millionaires that will be streaming in for the opportunity to “give back.”

The global warming tax in California is obviously the most ridiculous. Funny enough, about a year ago, Arnold came here to Vegas in an attempt to woo back businesses that had fled California to Nevada, because of crushing taxes. It was a huge production, driving around town in a big RV that was all painted up with slogans. Needless to say, it didn’t go too well. The shocking failure to lure businesses back to tax hell, resulted in an even better plan: Tax the living shit out of the people that stayed in California, you know, to show goodwill and all.

Posted in Politics, We're Doomed | 8 Comments »