A Fine Line Between Stupid And Clever

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Testicular Television

Posted by bmac on May 19, 2008

L.A. Times writer Mary McNamara practically defines Elitism in this silly article about reality T.V. and the middle class.

Discovery Channel recently announced that men ages 18 to 49 ranked “The Deadliest Catch” No. 3 among all prime-time television on Tuesday night, beating out “Dancing With the Stars” and “Shark” in the demographic.

Really? “Deadliest Catch” beat “Dancing With The Stars” among men 18-49? SHOCKER!!

Those damp and colorful Alaskan fishermen are just part of the hyper-masculine subgenre emerging on reality television. Discovery also has Deadliest CatchDirty Jobs,” which explores unsung laborers like the road-kill collector and the steel-mill worker. Over on the History Channel, “Ice Road Truckers” follows the fate of big rigs navigating short-lived ice roads in the Arctic, and “Ax Men” pays homage to modern-day lumberjacks, while the new “It’s Tougher in Alaska” compiles a greatest-hits list: gold mining, salmon fishing, trucking, railroading, even waste management will each get their own episode.

Ok, first of all, “Hyper-Masculine” (emphasis mine). Obviously, to a female writer for the L.A. Times, any man that isn’t a flaming metrosexual that gets their eyebrows waxed and wears $400 shoes, has to be, by definition, “Hyper-Masculine.” Second, all those other shows that are not “Deadliest Catch” are flopping big time. Discovery is just trying to copy itself, by throwing any show about dangerous jobs against the wall to see what sticks, it’s not like it’s a trend.

Third, “Deadliest Catch” is popular because only a handful of guys in the entire world actually do that job, (for good reason), and that is what makes it compelling. “Ice Road Truckers?” Not so much.

The folks are mostly men, all rugged, real and capable, proof that Americans are still capable of living by their wits and the strength in their calloused, competent hands. Call it testicular television.

Oh. Fucking. Brother. “Testicular Television.” I guarantee you this bitch has the “Sex And The City” box set on her person at all times. In fact, she mentions it at least 3 times in this article. Also, she uses the word “capable” twice in one sentence.

The article just goes on and on, as the writer routinely confuses the middle class with the working poor. To her, the middle class are people who “Lose a days work because some bit of machinery goes missing” or “A family of six living in a tiny aluminum-sided rancher on a treeless lot.”

Her entire frame of reference of the middle class is based around T.V. shows that only women and gay guys watch, like “SATC”, “Ugly Betty” and “Greys Anatomy.” A completely twisted worldview that only a female writer from the L.A. Times can capture in a snobby, elitist, sentence like this one, where she seems very sad about the plight of reality T.V. families who are not enlightened T.V. writers for the L.A. Times.

when you bring cameras into people’s homes and lives, there’s no ignoring the beat-up carpet that the family cannot afford to replace, the rickety computer station in the middle of the living room, the jobs that involve hours of monotonous hard work, the emotional toll of trying to balance work and family without affordable day care.

Who do you think this chick will vote for? The fake empathy just drips off the page.

Women in media have emasculated men to such a degree, that any man that is not a fashion designer, or “McDreamy,” are “Hyper-Masculine,” and shows not about powerful or slutty women are “Testicular Television,” instead of just an interesting show about guys that do an interesting and dangerous job.

30 Responses to “Testicular Television”

  1. Rosetta said

    Is it hyper-masculine to want to punch this chick in the mouth?

    I sure hope so.

    She needs to spend a few nights with Big Jim Slade.


  2. bmac said

    Hey, welcome back Rosetta! You know, Hostages are actually missed when they go away for the weekend. The moronosphere was deader than Michele Obama’s love for America the last two days.

    Accidentally kill any hillbillies on your camping trip?

  3. Rosetta said

    Thanks for the welcome back buddy. This was a weird weekend where everybody had stuff going on it seemed like. And it’s nice to know you’re missed.

    Accidentally kill any hillbillies on your camping trip?

    Accidentally? No.

    My father-in-law has a buddy with a nice place down at a lake so we hung out there, drank a shitload of booze and spent some time on his pontoon boat. It was a nice weekend.

    Did anything fun go on for the bmacs over the weekend?

  4. bmac said

    Did anything fun go on for the bmacs over the weekend?

    Nope, not a thing. Wife worked most of the weekend, and I contemplated my naval lint, had some beers, watched a couple bad flicks, and took apart the creepy-crawler in the pool in a vain attempt to feel productive.

    Last time I went camping, we played a game that’s really fun if you’re drunk enough. It’s called “Paintball Firing Squad.”

    First, get rip roaring drunk. You should be able to have that covered. You’ll also need a paintball gun, and two decks of cards.

    Next, designate a shooter, and have the remaining dudes pick a card, (same number of cards as guys) and the shooter picks a card from an identical set of cards.

    The “victims” then take however many paces they feel comfortable with getting shot by a paintball (NO PADDING) turn their backs to the shooter, and hold up their cards over their heads, so that only the shooter can see the cards. He then shoots the guy with the corasponding card. The fun here is that you don’t know if it’s coming, and the relief/comedy when the paintball hits your buddies is priceless.

    One shot only, and if the shooter misses, tough shit. It’s pretty hard to aim a paintball gun accurately.

    The guy that got hit, now becomes the shooter. Last man standing wins. Not last guy that gets hit, but last one that can’t take getting hit by a paintball anymore, cause that shit HURTS.

    Totally stupid and painful, but fun as hell, and you get to show off your welts like a drunken caveman.

  5. bmac said

    Oh, and you can only quit if you’ve been hit, and in doing so, you lose your chance to shoot.

    I have the official list of rules if you need it.

  6. Rosetta said

    HA!!! That is excellent! And right down my alley.

    Coincidentally I just had my first paintball outing a few weeks ago. I had 7 or 8 fine looking bruises from it but it was great fun.

    There’s something extremely entertaining about shooting people without consequence.

    We’ve probably outgrown this one but another good game is “Edward 40-Hands”. In that game each player has a 40-oz bottle of beer duct-taped to each hand. You can’t remove either bottle until both are empty.

    It gets ugly if someone has to piss while they’re still on their first bottle.

  7. Rosetta said

    I have the official list of rules if you need it.


    I can’t wait to see that event in the Olympics.

  8. MCPO Airdale said

    Us bitter folks here in Appalachia watch fishing and hunting shows, NASCAR and the weather channel. Hell, it took me a full minute to translate “SATC”. I had no idea until I asked the Missus!

  9. bmac said

    “Edward 40-Hands”

    HaHaHaHaHa!!! If it’s Olde English, someones gonna get shot!

    Ok, I got too much free time, and another drinking story with victims.

    My old roomates and I had this little miniature trumpet with the horn turned around so it faced the person blowing it. We called it a “Mazoo.”

    We’d fill it with flour, and at parties, we kept it out in a prominent place. Somebody would inevetebly ask about it, and we’d go into a whole thing about the Mazoo, and how it’s nearly impossible to play, and demonstrate by fake blowing into it, and acting like “Whew, this things hard to get a sound out of!”

    Some drunk asshole would eventually say “Let me try!” And blow flour into his own face!!

    Fuckin’ Hilarious. The Mazoo.

  10. Rosetta said

    Hahaha!! The Mazoo! That’s great.

    Guys fucking with each other is practically a sport.

    I was in a fraternity in college and there were about 80 guys or so that lived in the house at any one time. On the second floor was a bulletin board where people would post important stuff.

    Whenever someone would lose something they would put a note up on the bulletin board. Something like “LOST: Gold watch with initials RGB on the band. $25 reward if found.”

    It would take approximately 2.3 seconds for someone else to put up a sign that said “FOR SALE: Gold watch with scratched out initials on band. $100.”

    Hahahaha. That bit always cracked me up. That and hiding broccoli in people’s room.

    Good times.

  11. cranky said

    Tell the bitch that wrote that article that I want my blow job right fucking now. And tell her to take her store bought teeth out first. After that she can take the trash out to the burn pile and throw some lime in the 2-holer for me. Then she can fry me up some ‘possum.

  12. bmac said

    Cranky and MCPO, your comments are exactly the attitude I plan on having when I’m 102 years old.

    Just kidding, you crotchety old fuckers are awesome, and I salute you.

    Rosetta, reminds me of another story…..fuck it, I’m doing a post.

  13. cranky said

    Yeah, I watch hunting, fishing, and shooting shows on Outdoor Life. NASCAR too. Go Dale Jr.!!!!! Fuck that sumbitch Kyle Busch.

  14. MCPO Airdale said

    Jimmy Johnson rules!
    Rosetta cheers for NASCAR’s only openly gay driver, Jeff Gordon.

  15. Rosetta said

    I cheer for chicks to take off their tops and that’s about it.

    NASCAR is supergay.

  16. MCPO Airdale said

    Rosetta – Don’t mess with us out here. . . we’re BITTER!

  17. Rosetta said

    I’ve heard, MCPO. I’ve heard.

  18. bmac said

    Rosetta – Don’t mess with us out here. . . we’re BITTER!

    And Clingy.

    Shake ‘n Bake!!!!!!

  19. Stormy70 said

    Newsflash, real women like hyper-masculine men. I am proud of the fact that my husband does not watch any reality shows that I watch. I would have to reevaluate our marriage.

    I just want to kick chicks like this in the teeth. Or just push them off their Jimmy Choos.

  20. bmac said

    Newsflash, real women like hyper-masculine men. I am proud of the fact that my husband does not watch any reality shows that I watch. I would have to reevaluate our marriage.

    Uh-Oh. I have to admit I watch “Americas Next Top Model” with the wife, but you know, there’s a ton of hot babes in various forms of undress, so I think it passes. And the “two J’s” just crack me up.

    And she watches “Deadliest Catch” with me, and digs it, so I guess it works out.

    You know what I miss? “Monster Garage.” I loved that show.

  21. Stormy70 said

    Did you want Whitney to win? I thought she was ok, just a little too fake, but it is a modeling reality show. Survivor still rocks the house.

    My husband and I watch BSG and House together. That is enough.

  22. My favorite drunk masochism activity: running through the invisible dog fence with the shock collar on. I think it was a command given during a particularly drunk game of Asshole.

  23. MCPO Airdale said

    Bmac – Your man rating just dropped 40 points. It’s as bad as wiserbud’s unhealthy obsession with the “sweaty mens” in TapOut.

  24. bmac said

    Stormy, actually I missed this new season a ANTM, seems like it was on at weird times.We’ll probably catch it on one of those marathons, totally addicting.

    Cuffy-Hmmm…shock collars….gonna put that one on the to do list.

    MCPO, you got somethin’ against hot chicks? I know it’s not as cool as watching cars go in a circle for 4 hours but…..

  25. I hate to go off topic here or anything, but The Deadliest Catch happens to be one of my favorite shows.

  26. bmac said

    Deadliest Catch is awesome.

    I like the Hanson brothers.

    We know a guy who does Coast Guard rescues in the Bering Sea, he says Sig Hanson is a total dick.

  27. We know a guy who does Coast Guard rescues in the Bering Sea, he says Sig Hanson is a total dick

    NOOOOOOOOOO! I love him.

  28. bmac said

    That’s what he says. Not only a dick, but like a RENOWN dick.

    I mean, he seems a little dicky you know, but I still like him.

  29. Yeah he does seem like a bit of a prick. I have a friend who’s from Alaska and was a commercial fisherman out there, but he quit. He fell off the boat and it scared the crap out of him. It was summertime, but I guess it’s still gnarly out there even in summer.

    He now works on a ship in LA.

    He’s fun even though he’s liberal. He’ll show up at my house and stay for weeks at a time and I love it because he and I spend the whole day arguing.

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