Hi, I’m Still Alive

Sorry for the light posting, but I’ve been busy with all kinds of stuff. Probably get something up later today, as soon as something interesting happens. I hope my absense hasn’t ruined your life, I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Oh, and the check’s in the mail.

Spike Lee Is An Insufferable Jackass

“We’re not on a plantation”

Same ole same ole, Spike. Any criticism of you is tantamount to being a slave owner.

The only reason Spike Lee even has a career, is precisely because he’s black. If a white filmaker made the absolute shit Spike Lee does, his career would have ended around 1989. Hollywood feels obligated to produce films by Spike Lee, because they’re terrified of him, and of being labeled racists.

His answer to everything is racism, even when he’s become a very wealthy man producing awful movies no one wants to see. Let’s take a look at the awesome earning power of a “Spike Lee Joint.”

According to Wiki, he’s made about 20 movies, grossing approximately $366 million. Sounds great right? Well, that’s an average of 18.3 million per film. Lifetime. Including rentals spanning 20 years.

$18.3 million is a disastrous opening weekend for any film that has the level of distribution and budget Spike gets, let alone for lifetime earnings of a film. For a little perspective, let’s look at what just one of Clint Eastwoods films, “Million Dollar Baby” made. $220 million. In a year. That’s the equivalent of twelve Spike Lee films lifetime earnings.

His biggest, all time grossing movie? “inside Man” which grossed $88 million. You know why? Because Denzel Washington was in it. Because of Denzels star power, “Inside Man” doubled Spikes next highest earner, “Malcom X” starring surprise!……Denzel Washington, 16 years ago.

Spikes two (by far) highest grossing films, both star Denzel Washington. Let’s take Denzel out of the picture and see how well Spikes done without him. Without those two films, Spikes remaining 18 films, average about $12.7 million each.

Just in the interest of being thorough, Spikes third highest grossing film? “The Original Kings Of Comedy” ($38 million) which was no doubt carried by the comedians that were in this “concert” film, certainly not the director.

Subtract Spikes films that were carried by the talent on screen, and we’re down to about $11.3 million average for the remaining 17 films.

Not very impressive. Not very impressive at all. I don’t know of any other directors with that bleak of a 20 year record, that still get to make big budget studio films.

If Spike Lee were not black, he would have been run out of Hollywood a long time ago, because business wise, the guy is a total liability. Let’s face it, Spikes getting special treatment, and it’s not because he’s a gifted director.

Unfortunately, he succeeded in baiting Clint Eastwood into promoting his latest box office disaster, but it doesn’t matter, because no one is willing to sit through the incompetent mess that is a Spike Lee Joint. The numbers speak for themselves.

And Hollywood will gladly foot the bill for this douche, who has probably cost people their jobs to cover the expense of losing millions every time he makes a film, while becoming rich for having no discernible talent, or ability to earn.

8 Years

Apparently, the new Indiana Jones movie is gonna suck. That shouldn’t be surprising, because George Lucas, and Spielberg haven’t done anything worth a shit in longer than I can remember. Their well is dry. Bone dry.

I had this conversation about a week ago with a friend of mine, about the longevity of artists making relevant work. We came up with 8 years. 8 years of good stuff, and then it’s all downhill from there. 8 years seems to be the span of creativity, even for the greats.

The Beatles. 8 years. After that, crappy solo stuff. George Lucas, about 8 years making the first Star Wars trilogy, as well as the Indy movies. After that….. garbage. One of my favorite bands growing up, Van Halen, had about an 8 year run before they started to completely suck.

Try it. Pick an artist, and realistically look at their body of work, and be objective. You may have an emotional attachment to some of the stuff, but try to put that aside, and judge accordingly. You may actually be a Wings fan, but really, McCartney did his best shit in his 8 years with the Beatles. Coppola did his best work in the 8 year span of Godfather I and II. Stevie Wonder was a genius from the mid sixties until “Songs In The Key Of Life,” a little over 8 years, and then, “I Just Called To Say I Love You.” Eric Clapton was great…..for about 8 years, his tenure with the Yardbirds and Cream and Blind Faith.

Try it. Pick some. Tell me I’m wrong.

When an artist dies young, like say, Jimi Hendrix, people always say, “Imagine what he would have done had he lived!” Well, when his 8 years were up, he would have produced the same kind of loungy, hack bullshit that Eric Clapton has been wearily wringing out for 25 years. Same with Morrison, or Janis Joplin. They’d probably be doing horrible reunion tours, or cranking out more greatest hits albums, from their 8 years of creative work.

This is also why reunion tours usually suck. The magic is gone, and you can feel it. The whole thing feels like a forced good time, to use an analogy I think Ace used, like New Years Eve,

There may be exceptions, but they are few and far between, and art is subjective. And there’s no accounting for taste.

Too Much Good Stuff

I admit I’m lazy. I don’t scour the intertubes for interesting stuff, I pretty much go to Drudge/Bart. Today is an exceptional day over there.

First up-Hilarious gaffes from Hillary, and Golem Begala.

I have a much broader base to build a winning coalition on,” she said in the interview, citing an article by The Associated Press.

It “found how Senator Obama’s support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again, and how whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me.”

Oooooof! Man it’s gotta feel great to vote Democrat!

Here’s Golem with his feel-good compliment to Dem voters:

Mr. Begala, a Clinton supporter, said the party could not win in November with just “eggheads and African-Americans,”

HaHaHaHaHa!!!! Flattery will get you everywhere Paul! Can you feel the love people? They really love Geeks, Rednecks, and *serious white guy voice* “African-Americans.”

Alec Baldwin considers political office!

No surprise here, it’s just pathetic that he will easily get elected in California. If I were running against him, my entire campaign would consist of constantly re-playing him losing his shit at his ten year old daughter, and only that. Just a picture of his “Mad Face” and that phone call on a continuous loop.

Josh Brolin does his best Wil Ferrell:

I already wrote about what a disaster this will be.

Truly a labor of hate. The only way this mess could lose more money would be to cast Al Franken. Step-Mommy must be beaming. Josh Brolin is finally starting to get some prime roles after like, 30 years, he must really hate Bush to be in this dog.

Atlantic City Votes To Kill Gaming

Another Smoking Ban!!!

Boy is this one stupid. Banning smoking in a casino, is like banning coffee in a bookstore, it just goes together. They tried that here in Vegas to disastrous results. In fact, casino’s are the only place in Vegas you can still smoke indoors, for a reason. A non-smoking casino opened, and promptly closed, before the paint was dry. It just doesn’t work.

If you’re losing your ass at a table, you damn well better be able to have a smoke while you give the casino your rent money, it’s just that simple. I’ve lived in this town most of my life, and I can tell you, people that are gambling, feel extra-special entitlement to do whatever the fuck they want, because they don’t look at it the way you’d look at spending money on a normal vacation. They look at it like the casino is fucking them, even though it’s their choice to be there in the first place.

Casino’s, by their very nature, have to have an “anything goes” atmosphere. Once you start treating gamblers like children, they’re gonna go find a place to gamble with adults. Even if it’s their own garage.

Patrons could still light up in unstaffed smoking lounges away from the table games and slot machines.

Yeah, totally killing their streak, if they’re on one. And after losing a bunch of money, they get to feel like herded cattle. Way to take care of the customer AC! Humiliate people spending money in your establishment by stuffing them in a stinky room. Smokers (myself included) hate those fucking “smoking lounges” because they’re gross, and they’re never ventilated or cleaned, because you know, fuck those disgusting smokers anyway.

After being made to feel like a leper, how conducive do you think that is to go back and risk further humiliation by losing money?

Casino workers attended the vote. Many wore T-shirts with the slogan “Nobody deserves to work in an ashtray.”

Oh fuck you “Casino workers.” I am so tired of this kind of whining. First of all, casino’s are big, well ventilated open spaces, it’s not like they’re in a tiny room in a haze of smoke, like say a “Smoking Lounge.” It’s just not like that.

Second, fuck you casino workers, go work at McDonalds then, crybabies. Actually, you may end up there anyway, after the casino lays you off because you helped the city take away gaming revenue with your stupid T-Shirts. Believe me, those casino’s know what you did, and you’re on “the list.”

When business slows down, which it will…a lot…you’ll be the first to start your new career in fast food preparation.

Update: Thanks for the link DPUD!

Hey! You’re It!

Yet another school has banned the deadly game of tag.

“This is not the old-fashioned tag, where you could use two fingers and you would be it and move on to someone else,” ( Principal ) Hooker said. The game, she said, has become much more aggressive. “I call it the nouveau tag.”

“The nouveau tag.” What. A. Douchebag. Unless “the nouveau tag” involves a knife, I seriously doubt it’s any different than “The antediluvian tag.” (yes I looked it up)

Since the prohibition began early this month, physical education teachers have begun a “chasing, fleeing and dodging” unit in first through fifth grades. Students essentially play variations of tag, and the teachers remind them about safety rules and point out the athletic skills they can transfer to other sports, said Sue Straits, a PE teacher.

Oh man, that must be really fun. Running aimlessly around, not tagging anyone, all while being constantly reminded about safety rules. I used to call that “jogging.”

Stephanie Sullenger, president of the Kent Gardens PTA, said she supports the principal. Sullenger said she suspects that children are acting out because of “spring fever,” and that as their behavior improves, tag will be restored.

In the meantime, she said, “children are very resilient and creative, and I’m sure have moved on to find wonderful things to do on the playground.”

“Wonderful things to do on the playground.” What the fuck could that possibly mean? Grope each other? Play with dolls? Do paper mache? Share tips on how to be “wonderful?”

Good luck class of 2015-2020. You’re gonna be grade A pussies afraid of your own shadow.

Hillary’s On A Roll

If there’s any way to pick up support when your campaign is dying, it’s gotta be to have a gay, washed up, extra-queenie, wig wearing, English pop star insult Americans.

Hillary clearly has her finger firmly on the pulse of the American electorate.

With that statement, Sir Elton is saying sexism has now surpassed racism to grab the top “ism” spot. That should lock up the black vote for Hillary.

He didn’t stop there though, he went on to insult one of our most beloved Presidents, Ronald Reagan, for his “slow response” to the AIDS crisis in the ’80s. I wonder how much drug fueled, unprotected gay bath house type sex Sir Elton had in the 80’s while he was waiting for Reagan to do something about AIDS?

Who’s Hillary trying to appeal to here? Gays? I think that’s in the bag. Blacks and other minorities? Yeah, good luck with that. While both groups vote Democrat, there is a certain amount of nuance that needs to be applied in talking to all of them, and having a 60 year old drag queen say stupid shit like this ain’t it.

I think the Clintons are still stuck in the early ’90’s, when having someone like Elton John shill for you was edgy. Pssst! Hey Hill, Elton surpassed edgy and became a Big Gay Parody Of Himself a loooong time ago.

BTW, Elton hasn’t made a decent record in over thirty years. I still love Goodbye Yellow Brick Road though.

The U.N….. Useful As Tits On A Man…Actually Less

Iran laughing at scary “U.N. Resolutions”

The West fears Iran could use enriched uranium to make a nuclear weapon, and Tehran’s refusal to suspend the process has been punished with three sets of UN Security Council sanctions and US pressure on its banking system.

Oooooooo……Three sets of U.N. security council sanctions. They’re getting dangerously close to a fourth set. If they don’t really straighten up, (and I’m not saying this could actually happen, but in theory, it could) a fifth set may, may be handed down. I’m sure that little troll is absolutely terrified of the unthinkable, the impossible, the un-imaginable sixth set, that would surely put into motion the inevitable coming of…..the seventh.

The only thing even remotely “scary” about a U.N. resolution is the possibility the U.S. may choose to enforce it. And after the public unhappiness about Iraq, I don’t think Iran has much to be worried about these days.

No U.S. President for years to come is gonna open that can of worms, you can bet on that. The only positive here, is that the Iranians are such knuckleheads, even if they’re able to develop a nuke, it’ll take them another 50 years to figure out how to detonate it.

In the meantime, they get to taunt us like schoolchildren on the global stage while the U.N. stands there like an ineffective schoolteacher telling their students they really mean it this time, as the kids are spray painting her face.

An Exersice In Futility With Oliver Stone

Stone in production on box office disaster.

The first thing I ask myself is: Who the fuck would finance this? Who on Earth could possibly think anyone would be remotely interested in seeing a George Bush biopic? I like Bush, and I’d sit through a Rachel Ray marathon before I’d see this, even if it was a lovingly crafted portrayal of Bush as American hero.

Ok, I take that back, I’d cut off my nads with a rusty butter-knife before I’d sit through a minute of that scatchy-voiced freak, but still. This is guaranteed to lose boatloads of money.

Stone’s trying to rush it out in time for the election. What’s the point? To quote about a billion people, he’s not running. Does Stone think someone will confuse Bush with McCain? Why would you waste everyone’s time with something so utterly pointless?

No matter what you think of Bush, I think we can all agree that we’re sick of him. After eight of some of the most tumultuous years in our history, ALL OF US have had just about enough of our 43rd President. This project is just so wrong on so many….scratch that……every single possible level, I’m shocked that even the most liberal, BDS suffering, communist, dirtbag Hollywood financier, studio, or producer didn’t have Stone committed when he pitched it.

Unless Stone has Bush time-traveling, or fighting Topless Female Ninja-Jedi-Playmates, no one, fan or foe, could give a flying fuck about seeing this totally self-indulgent, four years too late exercise in futility.

Has Stone made a movie that hasn’t tanked in the last 15 years?

Cuss Count: Who cares, I hate that motherfucker.

Cusack-Retard, Moonbat. But I Repeat Myself

Thanks to blog-brother Nigel at This Goes To Eleven, for this snappy clip of John Cusack, who gives us the entire lefty paranoid playbook in a tidy 8 minutes. It’s pretty funny that even with the softball questions from midget/troll Bill Maher, Cusack still gets tripped up when a tiny bit of logic collides with his dreamy, confused world view, toward the end.

It never ceases to amaze me the near-retardation level stupidity that comes out of these guys mouths. I said this yesterday at Cuffys, Republicans have allowed the MSM and the Dems to define the rhetoric on Iraq, and sat there like choads while all this mis-information goes out to the public day after day, until ultimately, it becomes the truth. (at least to the general public)

Cusack is so horribly confused and blinded by hate, he’s not even sure what he’s talking about. He’s not anti-corporation, as long as that corporation only makes refrigerators….or something. The term “neo-con” comes out of mothballs too. Good thing he’s making a documentary.

Truly a stunning example of celebutard cluelessness.

Cuss-count-Zero!

Update:

Cuffy suggests I put this up for contrast:

Cusack is Lloyd Dobler. Without the kickboxing. Or the comedy.