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Archive for the ‘Idiots’ Category

Don’t Fire Bill Maher

Posted by bmac on September 18, 2008

Hi! Not blogging much, (at all) but I was looking through some of my old drafts, and came across this one that I thought was pretty funny, that I never posted for some reason. Not exactly ripped from todays headlines, but Bill Maher is a pathetic, unfunny Smurfheaded fuckface, so mocking him is always fun. This is from earlier in the year when Maher tried to be outrageous by comparing the Pope to a Nazi. A little exercise in creative writing. Enjoy!

Just ignore him.

Of course he’s not going to apologize, why would he do that? He lives for these kind of stupid “controversies.” It’s no wonder he and Ann Coulter are friends, I think they probably get together for “outrageous comment” brainstorming sessions. I imagine it like this:

Maher: “Having D.L. Hughley as a guest every week on a political show is killin’ me Ann. People get it, he’s black, and says “muthafucka” a lot. It doesn’t piss people off like it used to. They’re getting bored. I gotta outrage some Catholics….let’s see….Pedophilia jokes? That always pisses them off. How about…ummm….the Pope likes little Vienna sausages! Get it? He’s a German Pope! Little Vienna sausages! Vienna is German right? Oh man I’m fuckin’ brilliant! Hang on a second, I gotta get rid of this seventeen year old I scooped up at the Mansion last night, she thinks I’m Brad Pitts manager. How funny is that? I’m just glad I got her before Scott Baio got there, fuckin’ cock blocker. Ok, what do you got? And remember, I need a doozy, the hot and cold running underage poon ain’t flowin’ like it used to, know what I mean?”

Coulter: Let’s see, I already used “Faggot,” so I’m owning that one. Ummm…German Pope….German…German….Hitler! Everybody hates Hitler! Call him a pedophilic Hitler! Catholic League will come unglued. You’ll get like thirty more viewers easy. Wait, wait….I got something….Hitler…Hitler…liked dogs..no..no…painted a lot…no…was a Nazi…WAIT! THAT’S IT! NAZI!! Call him a Nazi! The Pope is a Nazi, and throw in some kind of faggy catch phrase like “Were here, were queer, get used to it.” But do not use the word “faggot,” it’s mine. Oh…one more thing…..call the Catholic Church a cult. That really freaks people out. That way you get everything in, Nazi, Gay Pedophilia, and Cult. No brainer. I just wish I could think of a way to get guns in there, but I’m just not feelin’ it.”

Maher: “You’re brilliant! If you were only 35 years younger, really stupid, and had giant fake cans, I could totally see us hookin’ up…like once…after a few cocktails. Pope……Nazi…..I hate Popes and Nazis! I can really add some plausible believability to this one, I might even title my next horrible HBO standup “Mein Pope!” That’ll get me like two more solid years of bangin’ stupid wannabe Playmates right off the bus that can’t find Scott Baio! I’ll get my pool boy right on hammering this out, he’s hilarious!”

Coulter: “Good luck! Gotta go, I’m working on a clever way to call Hillary a Cunt.

And…..End scene.

I hope you like my little attempt at creative writing there, I spent a whole 40 minutes on it. Maher is a jackass that goes out of his way to say outrageous things, because he’s not funny and he knows it. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Coulter fed him lines, she’s way funnier than he is. Have you ever noticed how similar their style is?

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Posted in Celebutard, Idiots, Pop Culture, Sarcasm, T.V. | 4 Comments »

Obama-nation

Posted by bmac on June 5, 2008

Rush Limbaugh made a great point on his show yesterday. He pointed out that for all the “excitement” over Obama, this is a guy that barely squeaked out this nomination. With the whole of the MSM in his corner, Hillary, who for the first time felt the sting of MSM bias, gave him a major run for his money.

I’m sticking to my prediction that Obama will be shellacked in the general. If I’m wrong, and he actually wins, then I say we deserve the Government we get.

I’m amazed at how this country has changed since 9/11. It certainly didn’t go the way I thought it would, I actually believed we would become a more serious, thoughtful, patriotic nation. I thought we’d step back from the insane celebrity worship, silly partisan politics, and general ignorance of the Clinton years, but we’ve plowed ahead in dumbing down at an accelerated pace, and Obama is exhibit A.

If the American people can be sold this lemon, then it’s already too late.

Posted in Idiots, Politics | 7 Comments »

When Greed Goes Bad, And The Reality Of Business

Posted by bmac on May 21, 2008

Boy Band Mogul Gets 25 Years

I just don’t understand this kind of greed. This asshole had made a ton of money from legitimate businesses, and still just had to fuck people over to make more, including his stupid boy bands. This is the kind of guy that makes people loathe the rich. Kinda like Martha Stewart. She was obscenely wealthy, yet she just had to break the law to scoop up a measly (to her) couple hundred thou.

I guess somehow, complete Megalomania just takes over these people. No amount of money will ever be enough, they just have to bulldoze through as many people as humanly possible to prove they’re top dog, at any price.

This is why people get so infuriated at anyone that makes a dollar from something they have to buy, like gas. Assholes like Lou Perlman and Martha Stewart, make the public think everyone is trying to fuck them.

Big Oil makes what, 7% profit? Not much considering all their costs, and all the things they do that don’t generate money, like exploration. What do you think Exxon’s annual insurance bill is? They have “record profits” because gas has never been $4.00 a gallon before, but they have record costs to go with those record profits, no one seems to ever mention that, people just think they’re getting fucked while CEO’s are barbecuing Yangtzee River Dolphins on their solid gold yachts cackling hysterically.

Same with the Airline industry. People love to bitch about that. I heard somewhere, that every one cent increase in jet fuel, costs an airline about 25 million dollars that they don’t get back without raising prices. Not sure how true that is, but it makes sense when you consider one single 747 takes about 60,000 gallons to fill, and multiply that with an entire fleet, and hundreds of flights every day, and you start to get the picture how hard it is to make a buck without pissing people off that have no idea how much it costs to run a business like that.

Not to mention the fact that they put giant fucking pieces of metal in the air everyday with a near perfect safety record to get your ass to any number of destinations on planet Earth within a matter of hours, yet somehow, they must be gouging you.

I got the same attitude from people when I owned and operated my own small business up until last February. They all thought I was rich, because I owned a business, and why can’t they get a discount. I sold moving boxes people. You could get 20 for 40 bucks, and people thought I was ripping them off, I mean, it’s just a box. Two dollars for a box?

It never even occurred to them that this stupid box had to be manufactured, shipped, bought by a distributor, bought by me, and transported again to my business, where I had to pay rent, and pay insurance, and about 800 other bills, to get this stupid box in their hand for two bucks, that is somehow greedily overpriced to fuck them out of two dollars while I laugh hysterically at them as I step into my Bently.

It’s like that Dennis Miller bit. People think they’re getting royally screwed paying four dollars for a gallon of gas that will transport them 10-40 miles, (or two dollars for a box) and not even blink at paying $4 for 8oz. of fucking coffee at Starbucks.

I think I lost the main focus of this post in my rambling, but I think you get a point of some kind.

Update: Nevermind that last sentence.  Changing the title of a post can really bring a point home.

Posted in Idiots, Personal Stories | 30 Comments »

Fox News Bad!!!

Posted by bmac on May 2, 2008

God, the left are retarded. Nutroots pissed at Dems for appearing on Fox News.

Markos Moulitsas, founder of the leading liberal site Daily Kos, told Politico’s Michael Calderone: “Democrats are being idiotic by going on that network.”

Ari Melber, the Net movement correspondent for The Nation, told Politico by phone that progressive activists and the Netroots are “not happy about it.”

This idea that Fox News is some kind of right wing spin machine, is just moronic. Is it because Bill O’Reilly is on Fox? To use a blogging cliche,’ “newsflash” douchebags, conservatives hate O’Rielly. How ’bout Hannity? For what? The whole half hour a night he’s on, sharing time with a drooling moonbat and every Democratic strategist that isn’t getting their teeth whitened that day?

Let’s see, who else do we have spinning RNC talking points on the Fox News right wing Nazi propaganda network…..Effeminate liberal Shep Smith? Masculine liberal Greta Van Susteren? Brit Hume, who’s on in the middle of the day, when nobody’s watching? FUCKING GERALDO???!!

*Thanks to Rosetta, who is not insane.*

This hyperbolic freak out from the left about Fox News is ridiculous, it’s old, it’s tired, and it doesn’t even wash.

Are the Dems getting tired of being pushed around by a bunch of mouth breathing, insane, mongoloid fucktards?

Maybe they’re getting a little sick of trying to get their message across on MSNBC, to an audience smaller than a 3 A.M. “Head On” commercial generates. Maybe it’s becoming just a little tedious talkin’ to brainiacs like Meredith Vierra and Katie Couric. Maybe Matt Lauer and Tim Russert stopped swallowing.

Maybe they’d like to have just a tiny challenge, you know, for practice. Just in case sometime, somewhere, someone actually asks them a question other than if they’d like jelly, or peanut butter with their salad tossing today.

Posted in Idiots, Politics | 17 Comments »

Dude…That’s My Skull!

Posted by bmac on April 21, 2008

“4/20 Smoke Out In Colorado Draws 10,000”

You know what the main obstacle is for getting marijuana legalized? Pot smokers are the advocates.

About 15 CU officers and a half-dozen deputies with the Boulder County Sheriff’s Office had a presence Sunday among the mass of pot smokers, who bounced giant balls and tossed Frisbees through the haze.

“We really think pot should be legalized because…….Look! A ball! A big ass ball! Look at it BOUNCING! Hey.. a Frisbee!!……Dude….Dude! What was I saying?”

CU freshman Emily Benson, 19, of Kansas City, said she thinks the decriminalization of marijuana will become a hot topic in the upcoming political season and said she felt part of something bigger than just a smoke-out on Sunday.

“We’re at the starting point of a movement,” she said. “This is a big part of the reason I applied here — for the weed atmosphere.”

“This is a big part of the reason I applied here — for the weed atmosphere.” When deciding on a College, “the weed atmosphere” is important. Nothing stifles higher learning like a shitty weed atmosphere. Everybody knows that.

Entrepreneur Barrett Betz, 20, conceived of the potential financial benefit 4/20 holds earlier this year, and sold peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Hostess snack cakes and bottled water for a $1.

“Peanut butter and jelly!” he screamed to passers-by who were parched and eager to satisfy their munchies. “I’m doing very well.”

One woman was hopeful Betz’s treats were charged with some special ingredients.

“Are these magical?” she asked, only to be disappointed. “Why aren’t you selling magical ones? I mean, it’s cool — but c’mon.”

Yeah, I mean, c’mon, why the fuck would you eat a peanut butter and jelly sammich that wasn’t loaded with hallucinogenics? Dude….Dude.

It wasn’t all bouncy balls, Frisbees and non-hallucinogenic PB&J’s, some students saw the opportunity to drop some science on the throng of super high kids partying on 4/20, cause you know, that’s when they’re most receptive to big bouncy balls, Frisbees, and the genocide in Darfur.

Although CU junior Max Lichtenstein, 21, isn’t into marijuana or smoking, he also felt Sunday’s event was a chance to do something “bigger” than himself. He passed out 126 Rice Krispies treats with messages attached asking that they act out against the injustices in Darfur.

“Tomorrow, when you’re sober … call the White House at 202-456-1414,” the note read.

See? There’s hope for these kids yet! If every single one of those high ass kids that inhaled one of Max’s Rice Krispie Treats calls the White House, well, let’s just say I hope the operators can handle 126 calls in a single day! Hold on Darfur, hold on! 126 wasted college kids might remember to call the White House today…..maybe….if nothing’s on the Cartoon Network, or they didn’t eat the phone number.

If not, just remember that someone cared enough to hand out 126 Rice Krispie Treats to a bunch of stoned college kids to help you….to help you. Or to get laid, it may have been to get laid, but still. Dude..Dude.

Posted in Idiots | 5 Comments »

One Final Act Of Stupidity

Posted by bmac on April 20, 2008

“Green burials” becoming popular.

Environmentally conscious baby boomers are driving the growing popularity of “green” burials.

Dry ice or refrigeration replaces formaldehyde, or a wood casket replaces a concrete vault in green burials.

Why don’t you just recycle the body and eat it? Use the bones to build a habitat for hobos. I mean, it don’t get more “green” than that. If you’re that committed to being an idiot, take it all the way. Don’t even sully the precious Earth with the insulting presence of your wasteful, decomposing body.

Green burials require separate cemetery space away from areas where heavy equipment is used.

The graves are usually hand-dug around trees, and simple stones mark the grave sites.

That’s nice, you get to hug a tree for eternity.

I watched a show last week on National Geographic about all the stuff we use in our lifetime, I think it was called “Human Footprint.” Aside from the fact that it was a two hour Anti-American screed about how wasteful Americans are, it was still interesting, and puts into perspective how retarded something like a “green burial” is. As if, after all you consume, and all the waste you create during your lifetime, (a staggering amount, even for greenies) a fucking bio-degradable casket is gonna make it all better.

Idiocracy baby, Idiocracy.

Posted in Idiots | 16 Comments »

Serial Killer At Yale

Posted by bmac on April 17, 2008

Anything for art.

Art major Aliza Shvarts ’08 wants to make a statement.

Beginning next Tuesday, Shvarts will be displaying her senior art project, a documentation of a nine-month process during which she artificially inseminated herself “as often as possible” while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages. Her exhibition will feature video recordings of these forced miscarriages as well as preserved collections of the blood from the process.

“I hope it inspires some sort of discourse,”

The only discourse this chick really hopes it inspires, is how brilliant she is. This “exhibit” is all about Ms. Shvarts, not about any “message” Videotaping herself having forced abortions has got to be one of the most disgusting, shameless, immoral, and outright insanely desperate attempts at getting attention I’ve ever seen.

On the plus side, her disgusting attempt at self aggrandising will more likely make people re-think abortion, but not the way she wants it to.

On a purely analytical basis, if I were her teacher, she’d get an F, for completely getting the intended “message” backwards, and more so for making the project completely about herself, even further diluting her retarded pro-choice “art.”

I wonder how much her Ivy League education cost?

“I believe strongly that art should be a medium for politics and ideologies, not just a commodity,” Shvarts said. “I think that I’m creating a project that lives up to the standard of what art is supposed to be.”

Ummm…What does that even mean? Isn’t “art” already all that? Have they taught her at Yale that art has been hijacked as purely a commodity? Since when? Politics and ideology are not addressed in art?

This is a fucking Yale graduate folks.

I stole the picture from Ace.

Update: Could be a hoax, but I don’t really care, as I don’t claim to be a reporter. I guess Hot Air thinks it may be a hoax, no link, y’all know where to find ’em. I guess the reasoning is, it’s just so fucking retarded, it can’t possibly be true, and/or she may have used menstrual blood or even more out there, she’s a Republican.

Okey-Dokey.

Update 2.0 (does anybody care at this point?)

Drudge is calling hoax, although, I wouldn’t exactly define it as “hoax.” The stupid freak just used fake blood and whatnot, and didn’t actually impregnate herself, or actually have miscarriages, but the intent is the same, so that doesn’t qualify as a hoax, at least not to me.

My basic point remains the same, which is, this is politics, not “art.” As an art project, this is a complete failure. If she were a Poli-Sci major, maybe. But art? No way. This is a blatantly political statement far and above any artistic merit whatsoever. Great art, even politically combative art, should have the ability to stand on it’s own outside of the message the artist is trying to convey.

Example: “Imagine” by John Lennon. A retarded, child-like, political song. But it’s got a great melody, and some very nice music, and I can enjoy that part of it, and acknowledge Lennon’s ability as a musician and artist, even if the lyrics are fucking moronic.

Yale can’t teach the difference? YALE? Ivy League baby, Ivy League.

Posted in I'm Pissed, Idiots | 10 Comments »

Hey! You’re It!

Posted by bmac on April 15, 2008

Yet another school has banned the deadly game of tag.

“This is not the old-fashioned tag, where you could use two fingers and you would be it and move on to someone else,” ( Principal ) Hooker said. The game, she said, has become much more aggressive. “I call it the nouveau tag.”

“The nouveau tag.” What. A. Douchebag. Unless “the nouveau tag” involves a knife, I seriously doubt it’s any different than “The antediluvian tag.” (yes I looked it up)

Since the prohibition began early this month, physical education teachers have begun a “chasing, fleeing and dodging” unit in first through fifth grades. Students essentially play variations of tag, and the teachers remind them about safety rules and point out the athletic skills they can transfer to other sports, said Sue Straits, a PE teacher.

Oh man, that must be really fun. Running aimlessly around, not tagging anyone, all while being constantly reminded about safety rules. I used to call that “jogging.”

Stephanie Sullenger, president of the Kent Gardens PTA, said she supports the principal. Sullenger said she suspects that children are acting out because of “spring fever,” and that as their behavior improves, tag will be restored.

In the meantime, she said, “children are very resilient and creative, and I’m sure have moved on to find wonderful things to do on the playground.”

“Wonderful things to do on the playground.” What the fuck could that possibly mean? Grope each other? Play with dolls? Do paper mache? Share tips on how to be “wonderful?”

Good luck class of 2015-2020. You’re gonna be grade A pussies afraid of your own shadow.

Posted in Good Luck With That, Idiots | 10 Comments »

Cusack-Retard, Moonbat. But I Repeat Myself

Posted by bmac on April 1, 2008

Thanks to blog-brother Nigel at This Goes To Eleven, for this snappy clip of John Cusack, who gives us the entire lefty paranoid playbook in a tidy 8 minutes. It’s pretty funny that even with the softball questions from midget/troll Bill Maher, Cusack still gets tripped up when a tiny bit of logic collides with his dreamy, confused world view, toward the end.

It never ceases to amaze me the near-retardation level stupidity that comes out of these guys mouths. I said this yesterday at Cuffys, Republicans have allowed the MSM and the Dems to define the rhetoric on Iraq, and sat there like choads while all this mis-information goes out to the public day after day, until ultimately, it becomes the truth. (at least to the general public)

Cusack is so horribly confused and blinded by hate, he’s not even sure what he’s talking about. He’s not anti-corporation, as long as that corporation only makes refrigerators….or something. The term “neo-con” comes out of mothballs too. Good thing he’s making a documentary.

Truly a stunning example of celebutard cluelessness.

Cuss-count-Zero!

Update:

Cuffy suggests I put this up for contrast:

Cusack is Lloyd Dobler. Without the kickboxing. Or the comedy.

Posted in Celebutard, Good Luck With That, Idiots | 5 Comments »

Sure Am Glad I Haven’t Gotten A Shot Lately

Posted by bmac on March 5, 2008

We seem to have an epidemic here in Vegas.

And it’s really bad.

How does this happen in 2008? Reusing needles? I don’t know if it’s a local phenomenon, but it wouldn’t surprise me. Some of you know I’m not too crazy about living in Las Vegas. As practically a native, (aside from an eight year sojourn in L.A., I’ve been here since I was 10) I’ve seen this town more than double it’s population in only 15 years. That’s insane. Our infrastructure is stretched to breaking point all the time.

Is this haphazard medical nightmare a result of that? I don’t know, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was. This city has a transient nature. About 6000 people move here a month, but about 3000 leave. Many new arrivals find themselves with sudden gambling and drug addictions. I’m sure doctors and medical workers are no different.

There’s also a ton of unscrupulous “entrepreneurs” and businesses that set up shop quickly to make a fast buck in the frenzy, including medical centers.

There’s gonna be a legal shitstorm that could be unprecedented. Just one of these clinics had 40,000 some odd patients that may have been infected by Hepatitis or HIV.

This is some very serious shit.

Update:

Enas Yorls dad is on the list to be tested.

Go and wish he and his dad luck, and say a prayer if you’re so inclined.

Posted in Good Luck With That, Idiots, WTF | 3 Comments »