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Archive for the ‘Slow News day’ Category

The Cult Of The Child

Posted by bmac on January 21, 2008

I decided to put up an old post, from August, because A: I think it’s pretty good, and B: I got nothin’ today. So please enjoy my laziness.


More nanny state buffoonery from Colorado, where a school has banned tag. Only two parents complained about the ban. Two. I guess most of the parents want their kids to grow up to be terrified pussies just like them.

Using kids to implement ridiculous bans is very convenient these days, as we all have to sacrifice for “The Children.” In fact, when banning smoking in bars that serve food here in Vegas, one of the big selling points for the anti-smoking lobby, was that people couldn’t bring their precious Children to a bar to eat. To a bar. To eat. Because you know, bars should be Kid-Friendly.

When did this asinine over-protection of kids start? I live near probably 5 or 6 schools, yet I never see kids walking to school, ever. Every precious little prince and princess have to be chauffeured to school now. I rarely even see school buses, I guess because they don’t need em anymore. You have a better chance of seeing a Yangtze River Dolphin, than to see an American kid outside. On the rare occasion you actually spot one, they’re wearing a gigantic BackPack, containing a small version of their room, because God forbid, they leave the house without 20 video games, an iPod, a cell phone, and a couple bottles of water. And maybe a helmet in case they have to step off a curb. When I was a kid, if I wore a helmet to ride my bike, I would’ve gotten my ass kicked.

I can only guess that this is the result of a combination of things:
1) Lawyers- Being a lawyer isn’t like being a doctor, that is, any tool can become a lawyer, and now we have an over abundance of them, guaranteeing a zillion frivolous lawsuits based on a Child being injured, (easy money, juries love Children).

2) Single Mothers- The “Oprah-ization” or celebration of single motherhood, has made it not only acceptable to be a single mother, but desirable. If you’re a single mom, you get a lot of “You’re so brave!” and ” I have so much respect for you, that’s really hard!” You get so many more “props” than if you’re actually married to a man. This is actually kind of an epidemic in this country, boys being raised only by women, and we all know how they over-protect.

3)Media- The media loves to scare the crap out of parents, with endless horrible stories about Children being hurt or worse. I doubt crimes against Children have dramatically risen in the last 50 years, but the media would have us believe there’s a child molester behind every mailbox, just waiting for you to take your eyes off your kid for one second.

4)Parents Who Want To Be “Friends” With Their Children- This is a weird phenomenon that seems to have happened as a result of adults not wanting to grow up. I see it all the time, parents having debates with 5 year-olds, cause they want to be “cool,” and not yell at their little buddy. The most important thing, above all else, is that they’re friends with their kids. Or to prove to their kid that they are just as hip as them. Something that I see all the time now, is a 4 or 5 year-old kid with a Mohawk. The parent using the kid as a prop, to prove how cool they are, because they refuse to grow up and be a parent.

Sorry, got a little off topic with that last one.

George Carlin has a routine about this, in which he says (Whiny voice) “The children, the children,” and then,”F*ck the children!” and goes on to describe swimming in polluted water when he was a kid, and how this over-protection is screwing up natural selection. He did this routine in Vegas, and a bunch of people got up and walked out, I assume because how dare he say something like that about The Children.

Posted in Good Luck With That, Idiots, Slow News day | 19 Comments »

Is It Me, Or Is The News Cycle Painfully Boring?

Posted by bmac on November 19, 2007


Let’s take a look.

Chavez is apparently trying to rile up OPEC to embargo the U.S.  Yeah, good luck with that buddy. The Iranian Rhesus Monkey is on board though. Oh, and some guy from Equador. Oooooooo scary.

Nicole Kidman testifies against a paparazzi.  I didn’t even read this, because I don’t care, but it’s an excuse to mention the single worst movie ever made in the history of Hollywood, starring Kidman, the remake of “The Stepford Wives.” Everyone involved in making this POS, should be waterboarded repeatedly kicked in the balls/crotch while being forced to watch it, followed by a viewing of “Sliver.”

George Clooney coughed up a whole 25 grand to help striking writers.  Gee, what’s that, about a dollar per writer George? What a guy. With that kind of generosity, this strike could go on for 2-3 more hours.

This goes out to Cranky: Shep Smith signs contract with Fox for $7 million a year. 

Posted in Slow News day | 3 Comments »

It’s Already Starting

Posted by bmac on November 15, 2007

I’m beginning to dread Christmas. Christmas is no longer a wonderful family holiday, a time to reflect on our blessings, the one time of year everyone is just a little nicer, regardless of your specific religion. 

No, Christmas has become a war. A yearly war, fought between liberals and traditional Americans. It’s not even Thanksgiving yet, and the battle has begun.

Lowes Blasted For Selling “Family Trees” Instead Of “Christmas Trees.”

And they’re off!

Santas Warned “Ho Ho Ho” Offensive To Women

Ok, the Santa one is from Australia, but I have no doubt we’ll get something just as stupid.

What do we have to look forward to?

City and state buildings wringing their hands over whether or not to have a nativity display.

Retailers wringing their hands over whether or not to authorize their employees to utter the words “Merry Christmas.”

Schools wringing their hands over having anything in the classroom that may possibly be offensive to anyone other than Christians.

Lot’s of OUTRAGE over all the wringing of hands, countless articles and commentaries about “Secular America” vs “Traditional America,” etc. etc. etc.

About a thousand more stories like the two above. Put on your kevlar and helmets, it’s time to go to war!

Merry Christmas.

Posted in Rant, Slow News day | 3 Comments »

Tales From A Gig In Utah

Posted by bmac on November 3, 2007

About 12 years ago, I was in a bar band, and we used to do weekend gigs occasionally in nearby Utah, usually Friday and Saturday night. We played a bar in St. George, a small town about 150 miles from Vegas, and home of Dixie college, so we thought you know, college town! This is gonna be great! 

When we first got there, things looked pretty good. The bar, (only bar in town) had giant murals on the wall of Jimi Hendrix, and Jim Morrison, seemed like a pretty “Rock n Roll” kind of place, plus we knew Mormons love to party, kinda like Catholic High School girls love to party. If that makes any sense.

As we were unloading our gear, we met the owner of the bar, who informed us he “Only had one rule.” No problem, what is it? No shots on stage? No bestiality? No nudity? What could be the “only rule” in a clearly Rock n Roll establishment with giant murals of debauched dead rock stars on the wall?

“I’m gonna need you guys to tuck your shirts in.”

*Sound of record scratching, everything comes to screeching halt*

“That goes for the customers as well.”

We all kind of looked at each other like “Is this guy joking? He’s kidding right? There’s a giant picture of Jim Morrison on the wall, WTF?”

He said something like “I know it’s a bar, but I think people should try to look presentable, it’s just a thing with me…..blah blah blah…….

Great, just great. Who booked this? We’re stuck in Tuckville for two days. To make things even worse, here’s a fun thing you should know about Utah, and Mormons: They don’t take too kindly to drinking, at least in a public space, and in bars, they only serve 3.2% beer, and no hard liquor. No shots, no drinks. Near-beer and wine. Just try to get yer groove on when your bloated and sober, with a tucked in shirt.

Needless to say, we played to chairs, as everybody goes to nearby Mesquite, (Nevada) where you can drink real beer and have a shot, with your shirt untucked with impunity.

The real fun came after the gig at about 2 AM, as we tried to get some food at the local Denny’s. Another thing they don’t take too kindly to in St.George, is long haired, barely drunk rock bands with distended bellies. (Thanks near-beer) We were completely ignored for a solid twenty minutes, as if we were Fitty Cent walking into the Elks Lodge. This is friggen Denny’s, it ain’t like we were hoping to get a moon over my hammey at the Four Seasons. When they finally sat us, of course the food sucked, and the service sucked worse.

This was the case anywhere we went over the course of the weekend. While it’s only an hour and a half from Vegas, St.George is like going back in time. We discovered that the locals don’t want to be seen going into, or coming out of a bar, for fear of being branded a “Drunk.” Like you could get drunk on that shit. The bar would have been better off serving NyQuil.

All in all, a miserable weekend in fabulous St. George Utah, where we spent the majority of the daytime in the bar, drinking our barely alcoholic beers, and re-tucking our shirts with the local outcasts.

Good times, good times……..

Posted in Personal Stories, Slow News day | 3 Comments »